My 376 pound life.

Whenever I would go to the movies I would always come out with bruises on my hips because I was too wide for the seats. If I took an airplane ride the seat belt didn't reach around me so I had to request a seat belt extension. As I would board the plane I would pray hoping there wouldn't be anyone sitting next to me because I was embarrassed that I would be crowding them. I feared they would complain that I was too big and that I would be required to purchase another seat on the plane so that I would fit. I can't remember the last time I was able to wrap a towel around me. When I moved to Florida I discovered these beach towel blanket things and they worked perfect for this fat girl. I went to the state fair with a friend who wanted to go on a couple of the rides and I had to do the walk of shame because I didn't fit. This happened on two occasions. I stopped going to amusement parks for that very reason. Well, all except Disneyland. At Disneyland they make the seats a bit wider. No wonder most above average people LOVE Disneyland. It's the only amusement park we can truly enjoy. I would never go shopping with friends for leisure. I had to shop at the specialty stores and had to pay what seemed to be twice as much for clothes. I mean, it makes sense. Big people have to pay more for clothing because it takes more material to cover our over sized bodies. Still sucks.

A long time ago I came to the realization that being offended was a choice. We can choose to be offended when someone says something or we can choose to not be offended. Chances are they didn't mean to be offensive anyway. I have always tried to be a positive person and not let things get me down. I am one of those fat girls that has always hid behind making "fat" jokes. I mean, if I make the joke first it doesn't give others any time to come up with it. This has not shielded me from getting hurt feelings. On the outside I would laugh and pretend like I wasn't bothered when on the inside I was crumbling and crying. Being as open and out there as I am, and being the first to make the jokes gave people a false sense of "I can say anything I want because Liz will think it's funny." For example: I have a really good friend that owns a motorcycle. He used to take me for rides on it. Something I really enjoyed. He started dating this girl who is by no means fat, however she is very tall. I had a BBQ at my house one night that they attended. At some point that evening she came up to me and started talking about how when my friend first asked her if she wanted to go for a ride on the motorcycle she felt self conscious and nervous because she is big. As the conversation progressed she said that once my friend told her not to worry about it, that he took me for rides, she felt much better because if he could handle taking me, he could handle taking her. This conversation happened in a very jovial way and I laughed, but on the inside I was dying.

Now don't get me wrong. I KNOW she did not make this comment to me with the intention to hurt my feelings or offend. What I am saying is that sometimes people don't think before they make comments. Myself included. To be honest I look back on that situation and it does make me laugh.

I don't write about any of this for the poor me factor. I don't wallow in self pity ever. I write about this simply to paint a picture of what life is like as a fat person. At my all time heaviest I was 376 lbs. TWENTY-FOUR pounds away from being 400 lbs. WOW! This was not a good situation, however I never used this as an excuse and I never let it stop me from doing the things that I wanted to. If I wanted to go to an amusement I went to Disneyland. I frequently went to the movies. I went on motorcycle rides. I constantly went on trips that required me to fly. I am constantly in need of updating my bucket list because I am always crossing something off.

The true challenge is getting to a point in life where no matter how much you weigh, no matter what race you are or religion you belong to or what trials you have to endure, embrace who you are. Love yourself, because only then will you be able to truly open your heart and life for others to love you as well.