Big Boned

My entire life I have been over weight. People have many different ways of referring to this. Among my favorites are...

"There is just more of you to love."
"You are fluffy, not fat."
"Big, Beautiful, Woman."

And my ALL time favorite...

"You are just big boned."

...this one really makes me laugh. I don't know about you but the last time I checked I don't have bones in my belly, and if I did I don't think they would be THAT big.

So, I have a novel idea, let's call it what it is. I am FAT.

Growing up I was always the biggest out of my friends and among my cousins. My cousins never made an issue of my weight. My friends have always accepted me for who I am and have never made me feel bad for my size. For this I am truly blessed. There are a few instances that stand out in my mind of people making fun of me or giving me a hard time. One in particular.

You must understand that I come from a "big boned" family. We are not small by any means (except those that have married in). We spent much of my life going to my grandmother's house for get together as familess do. When I was eleven years old I remember going to Gram's house for a monthly birthday celebration one Sunday. I put on my favorite, most cute outfit that I had at the time. I liked this outfit because it made me feel good. I liked the way I looked in it and the way I felt in it. We got to Gram's house and one of my uncles took one look at me and said, "Why don't you get some clothes that fit you right and look good." This was the beginning of many weight based comments that I heard out of his mouth.

I didn't let things like this hold me down for too long. As I grew up I became a very confident woman. I know who I am and what I stand for. If people, family or friends, didn't love and accept me for who I was then that was their loss not mine.

Of course my size has always weighed on my mind (pun intended). I was never interested in being skinny. I have always been interested in being healthy. As I got into my 20's not only did my mops have Diabetes, but my pops had now been diagnosed, as well as my grandmother. CRAP. This means that I was at higher risk of getting the awful disease. This scared me. Then 2 1/2 years ago I watched my grandma die of a fatty liver. This scared me. Over the last 15 years and more so recently I watch as my mops suffers from complications of Diabetes and how it is slowly killing her. This scares me. In June of 2011 I was diagnosed with Diabetes. This scared me. Something HAD to be done.

Over the years I had tried so many different diets and exercise programs. I did Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Atkins, South Beach. I tried the cabbage soup diet. I hired a personal trainer, and went to the gym regularly. I tired the old fashioned "eat right and workout"method. I would always lose 25-30 lbs and then gain it all back.

I started to research Weight Loss Surgery and decided that this is what was going to work best for me in my life. I refused to let Diabetes and any complications from being fat kill me. This was not going to happen to me.