As a young girl I was hanging out at a friends house and her older sister came in and started talking about the 3 diamonds that your legs should make when you stand with your legs together. One at the ankles, one at the knees and one at the thighs. I remember thinking to myself, "Yeah, right!! I will NEVER be thin enough for my legs to make the 3 diamonds." This is something that has always stuck with me and even though I am still NO WHERE near having the 3 diamonds I still hope to one day, maybe see them.
Today I was walking from my desk to the restroom and I realized something. I realized that when I walk now a days My legs don't rub together like they used to. This might seem like a very insignificant thing to most, but to a fat person and someone that has had to deal with chafing their whole life this is a BIG deal. I even leaned over to one of my supervisors and told her.
I know that I will never have a perfect body...I mean seriously, underneath it all I resemble a balloon that was blown up way past capacity and then deflated. However I am grateful for this journey that I am on and for the little every day victories that I accomplish such as walking with out my legs rubbing together.
What's next on this crazy journey....
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Gobble Gobble
As Thanksgiving was approaching this year I was having a little bit of anxiety.
Growing up we would head over to grandma's house mid-morning and that when it it began. With grandma in the kitchen either cooking or baking and the rest of us milling around the house. You could catch some of us sitting in the living room glued the TV watching watching whatever football game was on. My dad inevitably would sit and fall asleep in whatever chair he happened to grace, this of course was not because he was lazy, but merely because the poor man was so sleep deprived from working the night shift. The older cousins would have some form of a football game going on the large beautifully manicured front lawn with the younger cousins riding around on various and sundry bikes, trikes and scooters. Given the right moment you might even happen to stumble on one cousin pushing another in the old fashioned, claw foot tub go-kart. Others would be found in the kitchen socializing as the final touches were being put on the amazing meal that we would all sit down to consume in the near hours. During this time of playing and socializing is when we began eating for the day! There was always many different options of cracker, chips, dips, veggies and of course the olives.
Around two or so in the afternoon is when any where from 30-60 of us would sit down to the table and a blessing would be said and then it was GAME ON. As we filled our plates we would go around the table and state what were were grateful for. My plate always had heaps of creamy mashed potatoes, buttered golden corn, at least 2 different types of savory turkey amongst multiple different side dishes. There was the 3-5 different kinds of jello and jello salads, the sweet potatoes with golden brown marshmallows on top, grandmas fresh out of the oven fluffy rolls with tons of butter, stuffing made from scratch and of course top it off with the gravy.
A few hours after dinner and stuffing ourselves so full you almost have to roll us around the house like the oopa loompa's rolled Violet out of the chocolate factory, is when the pies and desserts would show face. Of course it didn't matter that huge meal we just consumed still hadn't had time to even think about digesting. BRING ON THE PIE!!! My favorite was always my Aunt's chocolate chip pecan pie with a mountain of whipped cream on top.
Thanksgiving this year was a bit different. This was my first Thanksgiving after having had WLS. I was so anxious about how this was going to go down! How was I going to get through a Thanksgiving only being able to eat a cup of food and having all this yummy goodness around me.
We had two different kinds of mashed potatoes, Sweet potato casserole, cream corn, home made stuffing, broccoli salad, rolls, cranberry sauce, gravy and of course the turkey. Everything looked and smelled divine! I wanted it ALL. I had to remember though that I have come SO far and I also don't like how much pain I am in when I over eat, or how sick I get.
I am happy to report I did it! I survived Thanksgiving this year! I took a few bites of the side dishes that I wanted to and ate a good portion of turkey for protein purposes. I didn't over eat. I didn't get sick and most importantly I enjoyed myself. I was able to take a day that we tend to focus around food and instead focus on the people that I was sharing it with. I was also proud of myself because I played in the turkey bowl. I was able to RUN! I ran up and down the field and I didn't die! It felt good.
As this Thanksgiving season has come and gone, I have an abundance to be thankful for but, I will take the time here to express how grateful I am that I have become a healthier girl. I am grateful for modern medicine and the tools that we have to help ourselves if we choose to take advantage. I am grateful that I have been given a second chance to become who my Father in Heaven intended me to be.
So here we go, another stumbling block overcome along this beautiful journey...
Growing up we would head over to grandma's house mid-morning and that when it it began. With grandma in the kitchen either cooking or baking and the rest of us milling around the house. You could catch some of us sitting in the living room glued the TV watching watching whatever football game was on. My dad inevitably would sit and fall asleep in whatever chair he happened to grace, this of course was not because he was lazy, but merely because the poor man was so sleep deprived from working the night shift. The older cousins would have some form of a football game going on the large beautifully manicured front lawn with the younger cousins riding around on various and sundry bikes, trikes and scooters. Given the right moment you might even happen to stumble on one cousin pushing another in the old fashioned, claw foot tub go-kart. Others would be found in the kitchen socializing as the final touches were being put on the amazing meal that we would all sit down to consume in the near hours. During this time of playing and socializing is when we began eating for the day! There was always many different options of cracker, chips, dips, veggies and of course the olives.
Around two or so in the afternoon is when any where from 30-60 of us would sit down to the table and a blessing would be said and then it was GAME ON. As we filled our plates we would go around the table and state what were were grateful for. My plate always had heaps of creamy mashed potatoes, buttered golden corn, at least 2 different types of savory turkey amongst multiple different side dishes. There was the 3-5 different kinds of jello and jello salads, the sweet potatoes with golden brown marshmallows on top, grandmas fresh out of the oven fluffy rolls with tons of butter, stuffing made from scratch and of course top it off with the gravy.
A few hours after dinner and stuffing ourselves so full you almost have to roll us around the house like the oopa loompa's rolled Violet out of the chocolate factory, is when the pies and desserts would show face. Of course it didn't matter that huge meal we just consumed still hadn't had time to even think about digesting. BRING ON THE PIE!!! My favorite was always my Aunt's chocolate chip pecan pie with a mountain of whipped cream on top.
Thanksgiving this year was a bit different. This was my first Thanksgiving after having had WLS. I was so anxious about how this was going to go down! How was I going to get through a Thanksgiving only being able to eat a cup of food and having all this yummy goodness around me.
We had two different kinds of mashed potatoes, Sweet potato casserole, cream corn, home made stuffing, broccoli salad, rolls, cranberry sauce, gravy and of course the turkey. Everything looked and smelled divine! I wanted it ALL. I had to remember though that I have come SO far and I also don't like how much pain I am in when I over eat, or how sick I get.
I am happy to report I did it! I survived Thanksgiving this year! I took a few bites of the side dishes that I wanted to and ate a good portion of turkey for protein purposes. I didn't over eat. I didn't get sick and most importantly I enjoyed myself. I was able to take a day that we tend to focus around food and instead focus on the people that I was sharing it with. I was also proud of myself because I played in the turkey bowl. I was able to RUN! I ran up and down the field and I didn't die! It felt good.
As this Thanksgiving season has come and gone, I have an abundance to be thankful for but, I will take the time here to express how grateful I am that I have become a healthier girl. I am grateful for modern medicine and the tools that we have to help ourselves if we choose to take advantage. I am grateful that I have been given a second chance to become who my Father in Heaven intended me to be.
So here we go, another stumbling block overcome along this beautiful journey...
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The Hunger Monster
I had read and heard that this day would come, I never thought I would be immune to it. I hoped that by some miracle he would never rear his ugly head in my face again but, alas the Hunger Monster has returned.
Since the day of surgery I have struggled with what is called "head hunger". This is when your body is not physically telling you you are hungry you just think you are hungry. Maybe because you are bored, emotional or just think you should be eating. I did not however, truly feel hungry. In my research I found that this is because when WLS is performed many of the nerves that alert your brain to that fact that you need eat are cut. Therefore it takes them awhile to grow back and start working.
Well, guess what? They're Baaack! And even though I now have a tiny pouch instead of my full sized stomach all the Hunger Monster did was go on vacation, he didn't shrink. Then when you combine the Hunger Monster with the head hunger this does not an easy journey make.
I knew that this would not be easy, I only knew it would be worth it!
Continuing on this journey....
Since the day of surgery I have struggled with what is called "head hunger". This is when your body is not physically telling you you are hungry you just think you are hungry. Maybe because you are bored, emotional or just think you should be eating. I did not however, truly feel hungry. In my research I found that this is because when WLS is performed many of the nerves that alert your brain to that fact that you need eat are cut. Therefore it takes them awhile to grow back and start working.
Well, guess what? They're Baaack! And even though I now have a tiny pouch instead of my full sized stomach all the Hunger Monster did was go on vacation, he didn't shrink. Then when you combine the Hunger Monster with the head hunger this does not an easy journey make.
I knew that this would not be easy, I only knew it would be worth it!
Continuing on this journey....
Don't Worry, Be Happy!
A few weeks ago I offered a friend at work some candy. In response she tilted her head and with a pained look on her face she said, "no thanks, I'm trying to eat healthy."
This got me thinking. Why is it that when we make a good decision, such as eating healthy, we look so sad when we talk about it. I mean seriously, how often do we hear the following statements accompanied by the pained look head tilt, an eye roll, a frown or a defeated demeanor?
"Ugh, I'm on a diet."
"I'm trying to be good."
"I'm eating healthy these days."
No matter how you phrase it they are all mean the same thing. I am unhappy with how my life is now and I am trying to make some positive changes."
Don't get me wrong, I am including myself in this. Even now, after disposing of all the weight I have I still put a negative connotation on it at times.
I have decided to challenge myself and others to be more aware of this. When you choose to make a lifestyle change such as eating better or throwing more activity into your life put a positive spin on it when you talk about it or even when you think about it. Be happy for yourself that you are taking the steps needed to become the best YOU that you can be. Be excited that you are making changes to become healthy and live a longer life. Rejoice in the fact that you are making it so you are not as limited in the life that you live now and the life you have yet to live.
Most importantly, remember, ALL THINGS IN MODERATION!!! Don't deprive yourself! Have a piece of Halloween candy...just don't eat the whole bag! ;)
Let's continue this journey....
This got me thinking. Why is it that when we make a good decision, such as eating healthy, we look so sad when we talk about it. I mean seriously, how often do we hear the following statements accompanied by the pained look head tilt, an eye roll, a frown or a defeated demeanor?
"Ugh, I'm on a diet."
"I'm trying to be good."
"I'm eating healthy these days."
No matter how you phrase it they are all mean the same thing. I am unhappy with how my life is now and I am trying to make some positive changes."
Don't get me wrong, I am including myself in this. Even now, after disposing of all the weight I have I still put a negative connotation on it at times.
I have decided to challenge myself and others to be more aware of this. When you choose to make a lifestyle change such as eating better or throwing more activity into your life put a positive spin on it when you talk about it or even when you think about it. Be happy for yourself that you are taking the steps needed to become the best YOU that you can be. Be excited that you are making changes to become healthy and live a longer life. Rejoice in the fact that you are making it so you are not as limited in the life that you live now and the life you have yet to live.
Most importantly, remember, ALL THINGS IN MODERATION!!! Don't deprive yourself! Have a piece of Halloween candy...just don't eat the whole bag! ;)
Let's continue this journey....
Monday, October 15, 2012
ONE HUNDRED!!!
When I first announced on facebook that I was going to have WLS a friend of mine (who I actually had no clue that had had the same surgery) reached out to me to offer support and let me know that if I had any questions that I should feel free to ask. This friend also told me that she has lost 100 lbs in six months. My first reaction was "whoa, I could only hope that happens for me". Going into this journey I knew that I would dispose of weight fast, but thought it would take at least a year to get rid of 100 lbs. I also thought that after disposing of 100 lbs I would down quite a few sizes.
Reality is that here I am six months out from surgery and I did it...I disposed of 100 lbs!!
Reality also is that I am also only down four sizes. Don't get me wrong four sizes is amazing and I am very excited that I am down those sizes, it just goes to prove that what we have in our minds is a lot different than reality!
I know that I am only six months out and I know that I have a long way to go on this road I am traveling, however as I hit 100 and I hit my six month mark I have done a lot of thinking about where I am and what it has taken to get me here. In some ways this journey has been easier than I ever thought it would be and in other ways it has been harder. I was asked today if it was hard to get rid of the weight. My answer was "yes , but not in the ways that you would think" I have always been fairly active for a fat girl so to workout regularly wasn't hard. It has been hard to learn portion control. It has been hard to learn how to eat to survive instead of just because I enjoy it. It has been hard to learn the difference between true hunger and head hunger. It has been hard to accept that my body is changing faster than my mind. Compliments have been hard to accept.
From this point on the weight will not come off as fast and I am trying to wrap my head around this. I still have about 60 lbs until I hit my goal and I am a little anxious about the road I will have to travel to get there. I know that I can and WILL get there.
I am proud of myself and I am happy with how far I have come in such a short amount of time. I can not express enough how grateful I am to my amazing family and friends who have given me so much love support!I never could have gotten this far without any of you.
Let's see where this journey will take us next!
Reality is that here I am six months out from surgery and I did it...I disposed of 100 lbs!!
Reality also is that I am also only down four sizes. Don't get me wrong four sizes is amazing and I am very excited that I am down those sizes, it just goes to prove that what we have in our minds is a lot different than reality!
I know that I am only six months out and I know that I have a long way to go on this road I am traveling, however as I hit 100 and I hit my six month mark I have done a lot of thinking about where I am and what it has taken to get me here. In some ways this journey has been easier than I ever thought it would be and in other ways it has been harder. I was asked today if it was hard to get rid of the weight. My answer was "yes , but not in the ways that you would think" I have always been fairly active for a fat girl so to workout regularly wasn't hard. It has been hard to learn portion control. It has been hard to learn how to eat to survive instead of just because I enjoy it. It has been hard to learn the difference between true hunger and head hunger. It has been hard to accept that my body is changing faster than my mind. Compliments have been hard to accept.
From this point on the weight will not come off as fast and I am trying to wrap my head around this. I still have about 60 lbs until I hit my goal and I am a little anxious about the road I will have to travel to get there. I know that I can and WILL get there.
I am proud of myself and I am happy with how far I have come in such a short amount of time. I can not express enough how grateful I am to my amazing family and friends who have given me so much love support!I never could have gotten this far without any of you.
Let's see where this journey will take us next!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Gurglings
Haha I'm really not sure that I am spelling this right. Anyway. So, you how when you are SUPER hungry and your belly talks to you? It kinda gurgles and makes these loud noises? Of course along with it comes the awful feeling of being so hungry that the reason your belly is making those noises leads you to believe that it just might eat it's self.
Well...mine does it ALL the time these days. The only difference is that the hunger feeling doesn't come along with it and it is typically after I eat when it starts gurgling the most. I'm not totally sure why it does this but I suspect it is because the part of my stomach that is not attached to my pouch that actually holds the food, is still creating all the acids so that when the food gets into the intestines the acid will be there to meet up and break down the food. Now, I don't know this to be fact...that is just WLS according to Liz.
This is what I DO know...It's LOUD. I thought I was alone in this until I was sitting in my support group meeting last week and the woman next to me had her daughter sitting on her lap and her belly started to gurgle and her daughter jumped up real quick and looked at her mom and said "Tell it to shut up". We all started laughing and started discussing how our bellies talk to us.
Just another step along the path...may the journey continue....
Well...mine does it ALL the time these days. The only difference is that the hunger feeling doesn't come along with it and it is typically after I eat when it starts gurgling the most. I'm not totally sure why it does this but I suspect it is because the part of my stomach that is not attached to my pouch that actually holds the food, is still creating all the acids so that when the food gets into the intestines the acid will be there to meet up and break down the food. Now, I don't know this to be fact...that is just WLS according to Liz.
This is what I DO know...It's LOUD. I thought I was alone in this until I was sitting in my support group meeting last week and the woman next to me had her daughter sitting on her lap and her belly started to gurgle and her daughter jumped up real quick and looked at her mom and said "Tell it to shut up". We all started laughing and started discussing how our bellies talk to us.
Just another step along the path...may the journey continue....
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Who is that?
I went shopping today. I needed a new pair of jeans because all of the ones that I currently have literally fall off. So, I went to the mall so I could go to Lane Bryant. That was a bust because there were undergoing some remodels. I just thought I would have to go another location. Well, I decided that since I was already at the mall I might as well wall the whole length because then I would get in a mile and half walk for a little exercise. I got no more than about 100 feet and saw Torrid.For those who don't know Torrid is another plus-size women's clothing store. I have never shopped there because even though they are plus-size their sizes stop at 24. That's was a problem when I have never been smaller than a 28. Today I went in because I knew my size 26 pants are falling off me so I figured I would be able to fit into the clothes at Torrid. I was right.
I went in at was welcomed by the sweetest sales girl. I explained to her that I had never been in there and that I was looking for jeans, but that I wasn't sure exactly what size I am. She helped me find a few different pairs of pants and then put me in a dressing room. I tried the 24's on and they were a bit big so I tried the 22's on...they fit great!!! I was so excited!
As I was trying other clothes on and spending a lot of time looking in the mirror I couldn't help but notice different things about my body. I have already written about most of the changes that I noticed but I was just eye opening to me to be looking in the mirror and see myself as a different person. I am still me but my body is going through so many changes. I am aware that as time goes on and I dispose of more weight my body will continue to change.
My collar bone is getting more prominent and I couldn't help but just stare at it. I have a waist that is becoming more defined. Not that I am happy about my chest, but my chest and butt are getting flat. I know that to some this may not seem like anything big, but I never thought I would see the day when these things would happen.
I don't spend much money on clothes these days because I know that I won't be wearing them for long. I am excited to see where else this journey is going to take me and to continue to discover the person underneath this fat suit.
May the journey continue...
I went in at was welcomed by the sweetest sales girl. I explained to her that I had never been in there and that I was looking for jeans, but that I wasn't sure exactly what size I am. She helped me find a few different pairs of pants and then put me in a dressing room. I tried the 24's on and they were a bit big so I tried the 22's on...they fit great!!! I was so excited!
As I was trying other clothes on and spending a lot of time looking in the mirror I couldn't help but notice different things about my body. I have already written about most of the changes that I noticed but I was just eye opening to me to be looking in the mirror and see myself as a different person. I am still me but my body is going through so many changes. I am aware that as time goes on and I dispose of more weight my body will continue to change.
My collar bone is getting more prominent and I couldn't help but just stare at it. I have a waist that is becoming more defined. Not that I am happy about my chest, but my chest and butt are getting flat. I know that to some this may not seem like anything big, but I never thought I would see the day when these things would happen.
I don't spend much money on clothes these days because I know that I won't be wearing them for long. I am excited to see where else this journey is going to take me and to continue to discover the person underneath this fat suit.
May the journey continue...
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Moving On...
I moved yesterday.
I know, I know, big deal. It was a big deal though. Not because I'm going to be saving money and not because I am now living with one of the coolest families I know. Although both of those are totally awesome reasons for it being a big deal!
Typically whenever I have moved in the past I have lifted small things here and there and found some men to do all the heavy lifting and loading. I would also need to take lots of breaks because I would get winded and just didn't have the endurance to do the work myself.
Moving yesterday was a big deal because with only the help 2* other people...one being another woman, I was able to get myself moved and was able to most of the lifting. I didn't care that I was all sweaty and gross, I didn't get winded, and I didn't need to take breaks. I was excited that I was working out by lifting and running in and out of the houses, making trips to move my stuff.
I am sore today and I can feel it in almost every limb of my body and I LOVE it!! This is what we in the WLS world call a non scale victory! Again, I know, big deal, but it is. This is what keeps me going. Small moments like this, when once again it is proven to me how awesome it is to live healthy.
And the journey continues.....
*we had one other woman helping us by letting use use her trailer...she was too prego to lift! :)
I know, I know, big deal. It was a big deal though. Not because I'm going to be saving money and not because I am now living with one of the coolest families I know. Although both of those are totally awesome reasons for it being a big deal!
Typically whenever I have moved in the past I have lifted small things here and there and found some men to do all the heavy lifting and loading. I would also need to take lots of breaks because I would get winded and just didn't have the endurance to do the work myself.
Moving yesterday was a big deal because with only the help 2* other people...one being another woman, I was able to get myself moved and was able to most of the lifting. I didn't care that I was all sweaty and gross, I didn't get winded, and I didn't need to take breaks. I was excited that I was working out by lifting and running in and out of the houses, making trips to move my stuff.
I am sore today and I can feel it in almost every limb of my body and I LOVE it!! This is what we in the WLS world call a non scale victory! Again, I know, big deal, but it is. This is what keeps me going. Small moments like this, when once again it is proven to me how awesome it is to live healthy.
And the journey continues.....
*we had one other woman helping us by letting use use her trailer...she was too prego to lift! :)
Friday, September 7, 2012
Butt Hurt
I have a problem. A problem that NEVER in a million years occurred to me. I am *SO* butt hurt. When losing a lot of weight there were issues that I knew I would encounter. I knew that my boobs would shrink...they are always the first to go. I knew that my clothes would begin to fall off of me as I went down in size. I knew that I would encounter loose skin. These are all things that I expected and knew were to come.
There are other things that have been happening that I never expected and had NO idea would happen! I am at this point 70 odd lbs down since the day of surgery if I sit for more than an hour at a time my butt hurts. My tail bone has lost all of it's padding and so now it gets sore really, really fast. This poses a problem when you work a desk job for a living. Heck I take bathroom breaks now a days just so I can go sit on the toilet...it's the most comfortable chair I can find since it's got a hole in the middle of it!
I made my friend feel my butt bone today because they were teasing me! Never in my life did I think I would have a boney butt...
Guess I was wrong!
On with the journey...
There are other things that have been happening that I never expected and had NO idea would happen! I am at this point 70 odd lbs down since the day of surgery if I sit for more than an hour at a time my butt hurts. My tail bone has lost all of it's padding and so now it gets sore really, really fast. This poses a problem when you work a desk job for a living. Heck I take bathroom breaks now a days just so I can go sit on the toilet...it's the most comfortable chair I can find since it's got a hole in the middle of it!
I made my friend feel my butt bone today because they were teasing me! Never in my life did I think I would have a boney butt...
Guess I was wrong!
On with the journey...
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The Hardest Thing
Last week I had the opportunity to go home to California for a visit. A very long overdue visit. It had been a year and a half since I had last been home. I was very excited for my trip and I was super excited to see my family and close friends. Although I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous. The last time I stepped foot on California soil I had just gotten married and I was also at my heaviest weight. When I traveled home last week, my divorce was just finalized and I was 90 lbs lighter. So much was going through my head.
What would people think?
What kind of questions were people going to ask me?
Who was judging me?
Would everyone still love me for who I am?
Were people going to act weird around me now?
Once again in my life I was shown that I have no reason to worry. Of course I got questions, about the divorce and the weight disposal. Some were awkward, some were funny, some were expected and some made me think. In the end it all turned out OK.
The most frequent question I got was, "What has been the hardest thing since WLS?" Every time I was asked the question I think my answer changed...there are so many things that have been hard since having WLS. Of course I am only 4 months out and I am sure that as time goes on my answer will continue to change. I have been pondering this quite a bit the last week. There are a couple things I felt like touching on.
First I didn't realize how hard it would be to eat with other people. This may sound strange, so allow me to elaborate. As a society we all are constantly in hurry. We want everything to be fast and we are always on the go. This includes eating. Think about it. How often do you actually sit down and take time to eat a meal? Chew your food and allow it to digest a bit before you are on to the next task. My guess is that it probably isn't that often. I know for me before I had WLS I would scarf my meals down as fast as I could...shoot, I don't know if I even tasted it before it went down. Being post op and having to chew my food thoroughly and make my meals last 30 mins is very difficult when eating with people. As you are eating with someone who is eating like most do they are typically done with their meals in minutes...this in turn makes me want to eat as fast as I can so I am not holding them up. The problem then becomes that I have eaten too fast and backed everything up and then I get sick...the only way to relieve it is to puke.
Second, and probably highest on the list, is the mental battle that I face. Physically I am disposing of weight at a very rapid pace. Mentally I am not. It takes time for your mind to catch up with your body. Logically I know that I am disposing of weight really fast, however it is difficult when you go a week or two with out any weight disposal. I kinda freak out and wonder what it is that I am doing wrong. I have to remember to relax, it is all part of the process. It is also hard to believe people when they say things like "you look great"or "look at you all slim". I see myself everyday, and yes I can see that my clothes are getting super loose, but I still see myself at my heaviest. I still see that fat girl that I have always been.
I know that all of this will take some time and I take it day by day. It makes me laugh when I hear people say that this is the easy way out. That is definitely not the case. Having WLS is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but it is worth it. It's worth every challenge, every struggle, every tear, every accomplishment, every smile, and every day that I get to live a healthier life.
What would people think?
What kind of questions were people going to ask me?
Who was judging me?
Would everyone still love me for who I am?
Were people going to act weird around me now?
Once again in my life I was shown that I have no reason to worry. Of course I got questions, about the divorce and the weight disposal. Some were awkward, some were funny, some were expected and some made me think. In the end it all turned out OK.
The most frequent question I got was, "What has been the hardest thing since WLS?" Every time I was asked the question I think my answer changed...there are so many things that have been hard since having WLS. Of course I am only 4 months out and I am sure that as time goes on my answer will continue to change. I have been pondering this quite a bit the last week. There are a couple things I felt like touching on.
First I didn't realize how hard it would be to eat with other people. This may sound strange, so allow me to elaborate. As a society we all are constantly in hurry. We want everything to be fast and we are always on the go. This includes eating. Think about it. How often do you actually sit down and take time to eat a meal? Chew your food and allow it to digest a bit before you are on to the next task. My guess is that it probably isn't that often. I know for me before I had WLS I would scarf my meals down as fast as I could...shoot, I don't know if I even tasted it before it went down. Being post op and having to chew my food thoroughly and make my meals last 30 mins is very difficult when eating with people. As you are eating with someone who is eating like most do they are typically done with their meals in minutes...this in turn makes me want to eat as fast as I can so I am not holding them up. The problem then becomes that I have eaten too fast and backed everything up and then I get sick...the only way to relieve it is to puke.
Second, and probably highest on the list, is the mental battle that I face. Physically I am disposing of weight at a very rapid pace. Mentally I am not. It takes time for your mind to catch up with your body. Logically I know that I am disposing of weight really fast, however it is difficult when you go a week or two with out any weight disposal. I kinda freak out and wonder what it is that I am doing wrong. I have to remember to relax, it is all part of the process. It is also hard to believe people when they say things like "you look great"or "look at you all slim". I see myself everyday, and yes I can see that my clothes are getting super loose, but I still see myself at my heaviest. I still see that fat girl that I have always been.
I know that all of this will take some time and I take it day by day. It makes me laugh when I hear people say that this is the easy way out. That is definitely not the case. Having WLS is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but it is worth it. It's worth every challenge, every struggle, every tear, every accomplishment, every smile, and every day that I get to live a healthier life.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Loose Skin, Hair Falling Out, and Blood Work
I was talking to my BFF last night and she asked me how I was doing with everything, seeing how this is such a life changing event. As I was answering her question there were a lot of things that I expressed to her that I thought maybe it would be a good idea to write about them. I am sure that those of you who are following my journey would be curious to know. Some topics might be a repeat of things I have already touched on in previous posts.
As I have talked about before, going into this I was aware of the changes that could happen to my body and most of the effects of WLS. Being aware that something could happen and actually going through it has proven to be quite a different and sometimes difficult experience.
A couple of months before I had WLS I started to freak out about the loose skin dilemma. I knew that it was bound to happen, I knew that insurance doesn't cover removal of it and I started to worry about what I was gonna look like. I texted a friend of mine who had WLS about three years ago, luckily she and I have a very open, blunt friendship! I asked her if when she was fat her belly looked like mine and hung down in what is referred to as an apron. I also asked if she had a lot of loose skin. This dear friend of mine went out of her comfort zone and texted me a picture of what her loose skin looks like because she said I needed to know what to expect. She included with the picture a message that said "It may not be pretty but it fits in a size 6 and I will take it!" When I looked at that picture coupled with my sweet friend's incredible perspective I felt like it wasn't a big deal and I could handle what was to come.
Having disposed of 62 lbs by now, my skin is starting to loosen up. Mainly I am noticing it in my arms. I am sure that I notice it more than others, we are our worst critics of course, but it is still unsettling. I am trying to keep perspective and have a good out look on this. Of course that part of this process will only get worse before it gets better.
Hair loss is another of those changes that I thought I was prepared for that became a different story when it started to happen. Everyone loses their hair on a daily basis. My hair has always been very, very thick even with the normal shedding. In fact my mom has always teased that I needed to marry a bald man if my kids were ever to have a chance at normal hair. I have gradually noticed an increase of the hair that I have been shedding since WLS, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago when it started to bother me. I was getting ready for bed and brushing through my hair as I always do when I noticed big chunks of hair coming out. I was taking my vitamins like I was supposed to and I was eating what I supposed to. What in the world was going on. I started to evaluate how much protein I was taking in daily and realized I wasn't taking in what I should be. So I made some changes. I also called my doctor's office for recommendations and texted my friend. I also did some research online. It was recommended that I double up on my B-12, take Biotin, and do a daily 10 minute scalp massage. So this is what I am doing....let's see if it helps!
Last week I had an appointment with my primary care physician. This was the first time I had seen him since I had WLS 3 months ago. He was extremely happy with my progress and ordered some blood work just see where all my numbers were and to make sure that I wasn't deficient in anything. After my appointment I went to the lab to let the vampires suck my blood and then I headed to NYC. When I returned home from my trip I was welcomed with an email from my doctor with my lab results. I was a bit nervous just because I wanted everything to be OK. As I looked over my results I could not have been happier. The one that I was most pleased with was my AC1. For those who don't know what this is I will explain.
AC1 is test they run on your blood that measures you blood sugar over a three month period. The normal range is 4.2-5.9. The American Diabetes Association recommends that it be under 7 for diabetics. When I was diagnosed with the disease in June of 2011 My AC1 was 13! Whoa! It was high! Once on meds I as able to control it and keep it at 7. Last week when I got the results of my blood work my AC1 is now at 5.8!!! That is being medication free since the day after WLS! This is INCREDIBLE!!!
Since WLS eating has become a chore. Before I never thought about what I was eating and when I was eating and how much I was eating etc. Now my life is consumed with constantly putting something in my mouth. If it isn't water it is food, if it isn't food it is vitamins. This might not sound like a big deal to most so allow me to elaborate.
With water I have to make sure that I am getting in at least 64 oz a day. I have started purchasing water bottles because it makes it easier to keep track of the amount I am drinking everyday. Food-wise it is important that I am only eating 3 meals a day and not snaking in between. The exception I have is on days that I work I eat a mid morning snack because it is so much time between when I eat breakfast and then when it's lunchtime. This is typically when I get my fruit in. with those three meals I have to make sure that I am getting in enough protein and a fruit and veggie. Vitamins are a little trickier. Daily I take a multi-vitamin and calcium. I can't take my calcium with my multi because the multi contains iron (which I need) and calcium and iron cancel each other out if taken together. I also have to take 1200mg of calcium daily which means that I have to take it twice a day because our bodies can only absorb 500-600mg at a time. On the days that I work it is much easier to keep track of it all because it is more scheduled.
There are other things that I am trying to get used to along this journey. The way I perceive and look at fat people now is different than it was. I also am so bothered at times with how other people eat. This is something that I would've never given a second thought to before, but now is mind boggling to me.
No matter who you are or what weight disposal journey you have chosen to take something that will always be hard, mostly because we are all human and again we are our worst critics, is taking compliments. Many of the people in my life have taken to calling me skinny, or slim, or things along that nature, I have a really hard time with this. I mean, I get that I am disposing of weight and it is bound to happen for people to make comments. That is OK. The change needs to happen with me not them. Of course I want people to tell me and I love hearing when they notice a difference, however it is almost second nature to brush them off and reply with a quick, "whatever" and move on. I guess that is where when they say that your body loses weight quicker than your mind kicks in. In my mind I am still that 376 lb girl and would never in a million years refer to myself as skinny or slim.
I am now three and half months post op and even with some of the challenges that have shown up, I am happier and most importantly HEALTHIER than I have ever been. Hell, I even have a collar bone that sticks out now! Thank you for taking this journey with me.
As I have talked about before, going into this I was aware of the changes that could happen to my body and most of the effects of WLS. Being aware that something could happen and actually going through it has proven to be quite a different and sometimes difficult experience.
A couple of months before I had WLS I started to freak out about the loose skin dilemma. I knew that it was bound to happen, I knew that insurance doesn't cover removal of it and I started to worry about what I was gonna look like. I texted a friend of mine who had WLS about three years ago, luckily she and I have a very open, blunt friendship! I asked her if when she was fat her belly looked like mine and hung down in what is referred to as an apron. I also asked if she had a lot of loose skin. This dear friend of mine went out of her comfort zone and texted me a picture of what her loose skin looks like because she said I needed to know what to expect. She included with the picture a message that said "It may not be pretty but it fits in a size 6 and I will take it!" When I looked at that picture coupled with my sweet friend's incredible perspective I felt like it wasn't a big deal and I could handle what was to come.
Having disposed of 62 lbs by now, my skin is starting to loosen up. Mainly I am noticing it in my arms. I am sure that I notice it more than others, we are our worst critics of course, but it is still unsettling. I am trying to keep perspective and have a good out look on this. Of course that part of this process will only get worse before it gets better.
Hair loss is another of those changes that I thought I was prepared for that became a different story when it started to happen. Everyone loses their hair on a daily basis. My hair has always been very, very thick even with the normal shedding. In fact my mom has always teased that I needed to marry a bald man if my kids were ever to have a chance at normal hair. I have gradually noticed an increase of the hair that I have been shedding since WLS, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago when it started to bother me. I was getting ready for bed and brushing through my hair as I always do when I noticed big chunks of hair coming out. I was taking my vitamins like I was supposed to and I was eating what I supposed to. What in the world was going on. I started to evaluate how much protein I was taking in daily and realized I wasn't taking in what I should be. So I made some changes. I also called my doctor's office for recommendations and texted my friend. I also did some research online. It was recommended that I double up on my B-12, take Biotin, and do a daily 10 minute scalp massage. So this is what I am doing....let's see if it helps!
Last week I had an appointment with my primary care physician. This was the first time I had seen him since I had WLS 3 months ago. He was extremely happy with my progress and ordered some blood work just see where all my numbers were and to make sure that I wasn't deficient in anything. After my appointment I went to the lab to let the vampires suck my blood and then I headed to NYC. When I returned home from my trip I was welcomed with an email from my doctor with my lab results. I was a bit nervous just because I wanted everything to be OK. As I looked over my results I could not have been happier. The one that I was most pleased with was my AC1. For those who don't know what this is I will explain.
AC1 is test they run on your blood that measures you blood sugar over a three month period. The normal range is 4.2-5.9. The American Diabetes Association recommends that it be under 7 for diabetics. When I was diagnosed with the disease in June of 2011 My AC1 was 13! Whoa! It was high! Once on meds I as able to control it and keep it at 7. Last week when I got the results of my blood work my AC1 is now at 5.8!!! That is being medication free since the day after WLS! This is INCREDIBLE!!!
Since WLS eating has become a chore. Before I never thought about what I was eating and when I was eating and how much I was eating etc. Now my life is consumed with constantly putting something in my mouth. If it isn't water it is food, if it isn't food it is vitamins. This might not sound like a big deal to most so allow me to elaborate.
With water I have to make sure that I am getting in at least 64 oz a day. I have started purchasing water bottles because it makes it easier to keep track of the amount I am drinking everyday. Food-wise it is important that I am only eating 3 meals a day and not snaking in between. The exception I have is on days that I work I eat a mid morning snack because it is so much time between when I eat breakfast and then when it's lunchtime. This is typically when I get my fruit in. with those three meals I have to make sure that I am getting in enough protein and a fruit and veggie. Vitamins are a little trickier. Daily I take a multi-vitamin and calcium. I can't take my calcium with my multi because the multi contains iron (which I need) and calcium and iron cancel each other out if taken together. I also have to take 1200mg of calcium daily which means that I have to take it twice a day because our bodies can only absorb 500-600mg at a time. On the days that I work it is much easier to keep track of it all because it is more scheduled.
There are other things that I am trying to get used to along this journey. The way I perceive and look at fat people now is different than it was. I also am so bothered at times with how other people eat. This is something that I would've never given a second thought to before, but now is mind boggling to me.
No matter who you are or what weight disposal journey you have chosen to take something that will always be hard, mostly because we are all human and again we are our worst critics, is taking compliments. Many of the people in my life have taken to calling me skinny, or slim, or things along that nature, I have a really hard time with this. I mean, I get that I am disposing of weight and it is bound to happen for people to make comments. That is OK. The change needs to happen with me not them. Of course I want people to tell me and I love hearing when they notice a difference, however it is almost second nature to brush them off and reply with a quick, "whatever" and move on. I guess that is where when they say that your body loses weight quicker than your mind kicks in. In my mind I am still that 376 lb girl and would never in a million years refer to myself as skinny or slim.
I am now three and half months post op and even with some of the challenges that have shown up, I am happier and most importantly HEALTHIER than I have ever been. Hell, I even have a collar bone that sticks out now! Thank you for taking this journey with me.
Monday, July 30, 2012
I'm Not Alone
As I started this whole process I battled within myself whether I would be open about it or not. I am not as silly as to think that everyone would be happy for me, or support me or even agree with the decision I had made. Part of me thought I should just keep it quiet and then I wouldn't have to deal with the nay sayers. The other part of me wanted to shout it from the roof tops because I was so excited.
I have heard of people having WLS and then hiding out during recovery and then just saying that they have been exercising a lot and changed their eating habits and dropped a bunch of weight. They keep secret what really happened and then are forced to face the process alone. This can cause some serious issues. Emotionally and mentally.
I chose to put it out there. My thoughts were I could share with people what I was doing and if they didn't like it we didn't have to talk about it. However, I welcomed all the support that anyone was willing to throw my way. Besides, who knew, maybe just maybe I wold be able to help someone or inspire someone else.
How grateful I am that I made the decision to be open with my journey. My whole life I have been blessed with the most incredible people to share my life with, whether friends or family. I was certainly not disappointed when it came time for WLS and all that it would entail.
I want to share some examples of the support that I have been given and continue to receive.
My mops and pops of course have been my biggest supporters my entire life and have wanted nothing but the best for me. I love being able to share with my dad what is going on and to hear how proud he is with my decision. As for my mom it always puts the biggest smile on my face to see the comments that she makes on facebook statuses about how proud she is of me.
My lady bug that I have already written about and all that she did to help me when she came out.
Women from my church who have become dear friends, that came to sit with my daily and help me with whatever I needed. One even willing to drive quite a distance to pick up pain meds for me so I didn't have to suffer.
My twins that would check in with me daily to make sure that I was doing OK and wanted to make sure that I wasn't in too much pain. Showing so much compassion that when I was in pain, either physical or emotional, would and continue to, cry with me helping me to know that I am not alone.
When I was tired of eating soft food and all I wanted to do was eat something solid, my rock star that would count down the stage with me until I could actually chew something and then celebrated with me by eating the same thing I did the 1st day of my next stage.
Three woman that are so close to my heart who also had WLS that graciously allowed me to ask whatever questions I had and shared with me things they had never shared with anyone but knew that I needed to know what I was getting myself into and needed to know what to expect.
The many phone calls, text messages, tweets, emails, and facebook messages I have gotten continuously to let me know that people are happy for me and with me along this difficult but worthwhile journey.
Being open has also helped because I can share with people my good moments and I can be open about my bad, rough moments. Just as an example I was staying at a friend's house the other night and in the morning for breakfast we had milk and cereal, something I hadn't eaten since I had surgery. Apparently my body didn't like this and I needed to puke. So I let my friend know not to be alarmed but that I was gonna be sick for a minute and excused my self to the restroom. She was so understanding and didn't make feel uncomfortable at all. Had I been secretive about my situation I would have never been able to handle this in such an easy way.
Again, I am so grateful that I have made the choice to be open with the journey I am on. I have received many messages from people that I would have never expected to, cheering me on and thanking me for inspiring them. People who week after week show up that I never even thought cared after so many years!
Even as I sit here writing about all the support that has been shown to me and is continually showered upon me daily I am tears because words will never be able to express how truly grateful I am for all of the amazing people that the Lord has blessed me with. I would never be able to have the success that I am having now and will continue to have if it wasn't for the support all of you have given me.
To you all I say THANK YOU!
I have heard of people having WLS and then hiding out during recovery and then just saying that they have been exercising a lot and changed their eating habits and dropped a bunch of weight. They keep secret what really happened and then are forced to face the process alone. This can cause some serious issues. Emotionally and mentally.
I chose to put it out there. My thoughts were I could share with people what I was doing and if they didn't like it we didn't have to talk about it. However, I welcomed all the support that anyone was willing to throw my way. Besides, who knew, maybe just maybe I wold be able to help someone or inspire someone else.
How grateful I am that I made the decision to be open with my journey. My whole life I have been blessed with the most incredible people to share my life with, whether friends or family. I was certainly not disappointed when it came time for WLS and all that it would entail.
I want to share some examples of the support that I have been given and continue to receive.
My mops and pops of course have been my biggest supporters my entire life and have wanted nothing but the best for me. I love being able to share with my dad what is going on and to hear how proud he is with my decision. As for my mom it always puts the biggest smile on my face to see the comments that she makes on facebook statuses about how proud she is of me.
My lady bug that I have already written about and all that she did to help me when she came out.
Women from my church who have become dear friends, that came to sit with my daily and help me with whatever I needed. One even willing to drive quite a distance to pick up pain meds for me so I didn't have to suffer.
My twins that would check in with me daily to make sure that I was doing OK and wanted to make sure that I wasn't in too much pain. Showing so much compassion that when I was in pain, either physical or emotional, would and continue to, cry with me helping me to know that I am not alone.
When I was tired of eating soft food and all I wanted to do was eat something solid, my rock star that would count down the stage with me until I could actually chew something and then celebrated with me by eating the same thing I did the 1st day of my next stage.
Three woman that are so close to my heart who also had WLS that graciously allowed me to ask whatever questions I had and shared with me things they had never shared with anyone but knew that I needed to know what I was getting myself into and needed to know what to expect.
The many phone calls, text messages, tweets, emails, and facebook messages I have gotten continuously to let me know that people are happy for me and with me along this difficult but worthwhile journey.
Being open has also helped because I can share with people my good moments and I can be open about my bad, rough moments. Just as an example I was staying at a friend's house the other night and in the morning for breakfast we had milk and cereal, something I hadn't eaten since I had surgery. Apparently my body didn't like this and I needed to puke. So I let my friend know not to be alarmed but that I was gonna be sick for a minute and excused my self to the restroom. She was so understanding and didn't make feel uncomfortable at all. Had I been secretive about my situation I would have never been able to handle this in such an easy way.
Again, I am so grateful that I have made the choice to be open with the journey I am on. I have received many messages from people that I would have never expected to, cheering me on and thanking me for inspiring them. People who week after week show up that I never even thought cared after so many years!
Even as I sit here writing about all the support that has been shown to me and is continually showered upon me daily I am tears because words will never be able to express how truly grateful I am for all of the amazing people that the Lord has blessed me with. I would never be able to have the success that I am having now and will continue to have if it wasn't for the support all of you have given me.
To you all I say THANK YOU!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Change is a good thing.
Lot's of changes have come into my life since I had WLS. Let's talk a little about things I used to do in comparison to what I do now.
Before surgery I would wake up at 7:30 am, jump in the shower get ready for work and be out the door by 8 am. For breakfast I would hit the drive through of whatever fast food joint sounded the best that morning then head into work. Lunch was hit or miss and a lot of days it was a candy bar and chips from the vending machine. After work as I was headed home, more often than not hit up another fast food establishment.
Now I get up at 6 am and before I do anything else I take a half hour and dump 16 oz of water down my hatch. Most people have their morning coffee...I have my morning water. Then I hop in the shower and get ready for work. I pack my lunch and am out the door by 8 am. I no longer hit the drive through for breakfast or dinner.
I mentioned in my last post that I can't eat and drink at the same time. Before surgery I always had to have a drink of some kind with all my meals. Now I have to stop drinking 30 mins. before I eat and can't drink anything until 30 mins. after I have finished eating. This is because there just isn't room for food and liquid in my tiny little stomach. If you drink while you eat it can also cause dumping syndrome.
My whole life I have eaten because I LOVE food. I love the flavors and textures and combinations of foods. I just enjoy food. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and how much I wanted. If I wanted to eat chicken and beef I would. I could also put away a TON of food. Often times when I would go to McDonald's I couldn't decide if I wanted nuggets or a cheeseburger. What's a girl to do? Well this girl simply ordered both. It wasn't enough to just order both, I would order, and pack away, a double cheeseburger, a 20 pc. nugget, large fry AND a large coke. Really?? who needs all of that? NO ONE! In all honesty this was not an occasional thing, this was a regular thing. Also I rarely took leftovers home from a restaurant. If it was on my plate I had to finish it, never mind how full I was.
I now eat to survive. I never understood this concept. Now I do. I could never fit that much food into my belly anymore. Now I HAVE to choose what I am going to eat. These decisions are no longer made based on what I feel like eating, they are made on what I need to eat. My mindset is now, "Have I gotten enough protein in today? Have I gotten my fruits and veggies in?"
Slow and steady wins the race. I have to eat a lot slower these days than I ever had to before. I used to scarf down as much food ans I could in as little time as I could. We are all busy and we all do this. Then we get so full and feel an like we will have to rolled out of the room we are in as Violet from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory was when she turned into a human blueberry. There are some very uncomfortable consequences if I eat like that now a days.
I was at work one day and was running out of time on my lunch so I hurriedly ate the rest of my lunch. I didn't think anything of it until 10 mins later when I started to get the sweats and my food ad backed up into my esophagus because it had no where else to go. You know when you don't chew your food thoroughly and it gets stuck and it hurts...imagine your whole esophagus feeling like that and the only way you can get rid of the pain is by puking. I went to the restroom and tried to puke...it didn't work. I didn't know what to do. I ended up leaving work early and going home. I got home and laid down and slept until it passed.
These changes are all changes for the good. I am much healthier having made these changes. Change is definitely a good thing.
Before surgery I would wake up at 7:30 am, jump in the shower get ready for work and be out the door by 8 am. For breakfast I would hit the drive through of whatever fast food joint sounded the best that morning then head into work. Lunch was hit or miss and a lot of days it was a candy bar and chips from the vending machine. After work as I was headed home, more often than not hit up another fast food establishment.
Now I get up at 6 am and before I do anything else I take a half hour and dump 16 oz of water down my hatch. Most people have their morning coffee...I have my morning water. Then I hop in the shower and get ready for work. I pack my lunch and am out the door by 8 am. I no longer hit the drive through for breakfast or dinner.
I mentioned in my last post that I can't eat and drink at the same time. Before surgery I always had to have a drink of some kind with all my meals. Now I have to stop drinking 30 mins. before I eat and can't drink anything until 30 mins. after I have finished eating. This is because there just isn't room for food and liquid in my tiny little stomach. If you drink while you eat it can also cause dumping syndrome.
My whole life I have eaten because I LOVE food. I love the flavors and textures and combinations of foods. I just enjoy food. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and how much I wanted. If I wanted to eat chicken and beef I would. I could also put away a TON of food. Often times when I would go to McDonald's I couldn't decide if I wanted nuggets or a cheeseburger. What's a girl to do? Well this girl simply ordered both. It wasn't enough to just order both, I would order, and pack away, a double cheeseburger, a 20 pc. nugget, large fry AND a large coke. Really?? who needs all of that? NO ONE! In all honesty this was not an occasional thing, this was a regular thing. Also I rarely took leftovers home from a restaurant. If it was on my plate I had to finish it, never mind how full I was.
I now eat to survive. I never understood this concept. Now I do. I could never fit that much food into my belly anymore. Now I HAVE to choose what I am going to eat. These decisions are no longer made based on what I feel like eating, they are made on what I need to eat. My mindset is now, "Have I gotten enough protein in today? Have I gotten my fruits and veggies in?"
Slow and steady wins the race. I have to eat a lot slower these days than I ever had to before. I used to scarf down as much food ans I could in as little time as I could. We are all busy and we all do this. Then we get so full and feel an like we will have to rolled out of the room we are in as Violet from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory was when she turned into a human blueberry. There are some very uncomfortable consequences if I eat like that now a days.
I was at work one day and was running out of time on my lunch so I hurriedly ate the rest of my lunch. I didn't think anything of it until 10 mins later when I started to get the sweats and my food ad backed up into my esophagus because it had no where else to go. You know when you don't chew your food thoroughly and it gets stuck and it hurts...imagine your whole esophagus feeling like that and the only way you can get rid of the pain is by puking. I went to the restroom and tried to puke...it didn't work. I didn't know what to do. I ended up leaving work early and going home. I got home and laid down and slept until it passed.
These changes are all changes for the good. I am much healthier having made these changes. Change is definitely a good thing.
Stage By Stage
There are different stages of diet when going through WLS. I have already referenced a few of these stages in previous posts, but I thought I would go into more detail about the stages and what my favorites were for each stage.
Stage One: I didn't have too much fun.
Pre-op, 7-10 days before surgery. As I mentioned they want to try and shrink your liver prior to surgery so that there is less of a chance for having to do open surgery, They do this with stage one of the diet. Stage one is high protein shakes and liquids only. I could have up to six shakes a day and as much as I wanted of sugar-free drinks, crystal light, sugar-free jello, sugar-free Popsicles and broth soups. To qualify as a high protein shake it had to be less than 200 calories, 15g of protein or more and less than 5g of sugar. There are a lot of options out there for this, there are a couple of companies that specialize in WLS protein and vitamins. I chose to use the low carb slim fast shakes. These were decent flavored and they were ready made. I could fill my lunch bag with them and keep them at my desk for easy access and they met all the qualifications.
This stage was really tough. I was HUNGRY! I remember telling my co-worker that I just wanted a cheeseburger. I did however lose ten pounds during this stage!
Stage Two: There's not much I could do.
Clear liquids, 2 days. For the first two days after surgery it was clear liquids. I could have water, sugar-free drinks, sugar-free jello, sugar-free Popsicles,broth, and 100% fruit juices. I was not hungry at all. I could only take small sips at a time and had to use a medicine cup to measure out what I needed to drink. I could have 1 oz every 15 mins. no more, and I needed to make sure that I was getting in at least six cups of liquids a day.
I was really only on this stage for one day. The day of surgery I couldn't eat anything at all and then the day after surgery is when I was on this stage.
I mainly ate sugar-free jello on this stage. I tried to drink that chicken broth they provided in the hospital but it was terrible.
Stage Three: It's just full liquids for me.
Clear and full liquids. Two Weeks. This stage was everything I mentioned in stage two plus fat-free milk, protein shakes, low-fat yogurt, sugar-free pudding and creamed soups (strained). I still was to take 1 oz every 12 mins and at least six cups of fluids a day. I also needed to ensure that I was taking in 60g of protein a day. I needed to make sure that I didn't eat and drink at the same time.
During this stage I would eat vanilla Greek yogurt for breakfast (Greek for more protein). Then a couple hours later I would have a slim fast. For lunch most days I ate cheddar broccoli soup from Panera Bread. For a snack I would drink another slim fast and for dinner I typically ate sugar-free snack pack pudding. Most days I would have to remind myself to eat because I just didn't feel hungry. Some days I didn't feel like eating at all and to force myself to eat.
Stage Four: I could eat a lil more.
Puree. Two Weeks. In other words if it was the consistency of baby food I could eat it. I could also eat scrambled eggs, fat-free cottage cheese (blech) and applesauce. I was now bumped up to two oz (1/4 c) in 30 mins. I started taking my vitamins during this stage. Still needed to make sure I was getting in at least six cups of liquids and at least 60g of protein a day.
I do not like cottage cheese AT ALL. It's a texture thing. I ate a lot of scrambled eggs during this stage and canned meat mashed up really well. I also ate mashed potatoes. My favorite. The problem with those was I would eat too much too fast, this is not a good thing.
Stage Five: Don't ya know you must eat to survive.
Solid foods, the rest of my life. This is when I could start eating regular food. I had to add new foods one at a time so if I had an adverse reaction to one I would know to cut it out and try again in a couple months. I was up to four oz (1/2 c) per meal and meals should last about 30 mins. Stop eating or drinking when I felt full. Eat my protein first and if I was full after that, stop.
With this stage, because it is what I do daily, there are a lot of things that I am still trying out. I am off protein shakes, need to make sure I am still getting enough protein in everyday. I also need to make sure that I am getting enough liquids in me. For breakfast I do a lot of yogurt with sunflower seeds mixed in for added protein. I eat fruit for a mid morning snack, most mornings this is an apple with peanut butter on it. I eat a lot of chicken and 93/7 hamburger for lunch and dinner. At Wal-Mat they sell veggie cups like the fruit cups that are individual size so that is what I buy and eat for my veggies everyday.
Not easy, but had to take it one stage at a time.
Stage One: I didn't have too much fun.
Pre-op, 7-10 days before surgery. As I mentioned they want to try and shrink your liver prior to surgery so that there is less of a chance for having to do open surgery, They do this with stage one of the diet. Stage one is high protein shakes and liquids only. I could have up to six shakes a day and as much as I wanted of sugar-free drinks, crystal light, sugar-free jello, sugar-free Popsicles and broth soups. To qualify as a high protein shake it had to be less than 200 calories, 15g of protein or more and less than 5g of sugar. There are a lot of options out there for this, there are a couple of companies that specialize in WLS protein and vitamins. I chose to use the low carb slim fast shakes. These were decent flavored and they were ready made. I could fill my lunch bag with them and keep them at my desk for easy access and they met all the qualifications.
This stage was really tough. I was HUNGRY! I remember telling my co-worker that I just wanted a cheeseburger. I did however lose ten pounds during this stage!
Stage Two: There's not much I could do.
Clear liquids, 2 days. For the first two days after surgery it was clear liquids. I could have water, sugar-free drinks, sugar-free jello, sugar-free Popsicles,broth, and 100% fruit juices. I was not hungry at all. I could only take small sips at a time and had to use a medicine cup to measure out what I needed to drink. I could have 1 oz every 15 mins. no more, and I needed to make sure that I was getting in at least six cups of liquids a day.
I was really only on this stage for one day. The day of surgery I couldn't eat anything at all and then the day after surgery is when I was on this stage.
I mainly ate sugar-free jello on this stage. I tried to drink that chicken broth they provided in the hospital but it was terrible.
Stage Three: It's just full liquids for me.
Clear and full liquids. Two Weeks. This stage was everything I mentioned in stage two plus fat-free milk, protein shakes, low-fat yogurt, sugar-free pudding and creamed soups (strained). I still was to take 1 oz every 12 mins and at least six cups of fluids a day. I also needed to ensure that I was taking in 60g of protein a day. I needed to make sure that I didn't eat and drink at the same time.
During this stage I would eat vanilla Greek yogurt for breakfast (Greek for more protein). Then a couple hours later I would have a slim fast. For lunch most days I ate cheddar broccoli soup from Panera Bread. For a snack I would drink another slim fast and for dinner I typically ate sugar-free snack pack pudding. Most days I would have to remind myself to eat because I just didn't feel hungry. Some days I didn't feel like eating at all and to force myself to eat.
Stage Four: I could eat a lil more.
Puree. Two Weeks. In other words if it was the consistency of baby food I could eat it. I could also eat scrambled eggs, fat-free cottage cheese (blech) and applesauce. I was now bumped up to two oz (1/4 c) in 30 mins. I started taking my vitamins during this stage. Still needed to make sure I was getting in at least six cups of liquids and at least 60g of protein a day.
I do not like cottage cheese AT ALL. It's a texture thing. I ate a lot of scrambled eggs during this stage and canned meat mashed up really well. I also ate mashed potatoes. My favorite. The problem with those was I would eat too much too fast, this is not a good thing.
Stage Five: Don't ya know you must eat to survive.
Solid foods, the rest of my life. This is when I could start eating regular food. I had to add new foods one at a time so if I had an adverse reaction to one I would know to cut it out and try again in a couple months. I was up to four oz (1/2 c) per meal and meals should last about 30 mins. Stop eating or drinking when I felt full. Eat my protein first and if I was full after that, stop.
With this stage, because it is what I do daily, there are a lot of things that I am still trying out. I am off protein shakes, need to make sure I am still getting enough protein in everyday. I also need to make sure that I am getting enough liquids in me. For breakfast I do a lot of yogurt with sunflower seeds mixed in for added protein. I eat fruit for a mid morning snack, most mornings this is an apple with peanut butter on it. I eat a lot of chicken and 93/7 hamburger for lunch and dinner. At Wal-Mat they sell veggie cups like the fruit cups that are individual size so that is what I buy and eat for my veggies everyday.
Not easy, but had to take it one stage at a time.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work I go....
Before I left for surgery my supervisor, of course asked how long I thought I would be out. I told him that I would only be out for two weeks. So what did he do? He went online and researched recovery time for the procedure I was having. The next day he asked if I was sure because in his research it said it should take about 6-8 weeks to recover. The work I do is not physically demanding. I sit on my butt all day and take phone calls. I was absolutely sure that I would be back in two weeks. So then began the banter between my sup and I. He would say "if " you return in two weeks and I would say "when" I return in two weeks.
Exactly two weeks after surgery I returned to work! I felt great and didn't have any issues working my full shift. I was a little more tired that first shift than I typically would be but I still felt great! Besides that I was happy to be out of my house and not sitting in my big chair. I was getting awfully tired of the perpetual state of numb my butt was in.
Now a funny thing happens when people know that you are going through a major change like what I did. People knew that I was having WLS and so when they hadn't seen me for a while they were curious. I had to find comic relief in the fact that the first thing people did when they saw me at work when I returned, was they would look me up and down. They were not discreet. I mean full on head to toe, check me out, how much weight have I actually lost, do I look any different, look me up and down. I guess because I was open about what I was going through made it OK to just look.
In a way you become like a zoo animal on display. To go along with the checking you out people just stare when you go out to eat with them. The first time I went to lunch with a friend after surgery she spent the whole time just watching me eat. Every time I took a bite, what I was eating, how much I was eating, how long it took me to eat...STARE. I get that people are curious. I am probably one of the most curious people around, but come on, don't just stare and if you are going to, let's not make it obvious. Again, I get that people are interested, ask me questions. I promise there is nothing too personal that I won't answer about what I am going through. If I feel it's none of your business I will tell you so.
By the time I went to work I was on to the pureed food stage. This meant I could add almost anything I wanted to my diet as long as it was the consistency of baby food. I ate a lot of scrambled eggs, applesauce, canned chicken, mashed potatoes, ground meat, and refried beans. Meals were still 2 oz in 30 mins. I had to eat the protein first and if I got full from that I stopped. I was still drinking protein shakes twice a day. When I returned to work two weeks after WLS I was down 22 lbs.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work I go...
Exactly two weeks after surgery I returned to work! I felt great and didn't have any issues working my full shift. I was a little more tired that first shift than I typically would be but I still felt great! Besides that I was happy to be out of my house and not sitting in my big chair. I was getting awfully tired of the perpetual state of numb my butt was in.
Now a funny thing happens when people know that you are going through a major change like what I did. People knew that I was having WLS and so when they hadn't seen me for a while they were curious. I had to find comic relief in the fact that the first thing people did when they saw me at work when I returned, was they would look me up and down. They were not discreet. I mean full on head to toe, check me out, how much weight have I actually lost, do I look any different, look me up and down. I guess because I was open about what I was going through made it OK to just look.
In a way you become like a zoo animal on display. To go along with the checking you out people just stare when you go out to eat with them. The first time I went to lunch with a friend after surgery she spent the whole time just watching me eat. Every time I took a bite, what I was eating, how much I was eating, how long it took me to eat...STARE. I get that people are curious. I am probably one of the most curious people around, but come on, don't just stare and if you are going to, let's not make it obvious. Again, I get that people are interested, ask me questions. I promise there is nothing too personal that I won't answer about what I am going through. If I feel it's none of your business I will tell you so.
By the time I went to work I was on to the pureed food stage. This meant I could add almost anything I wanted to my diet as long as it was the consistency of baby food. I ate a lot of scrambled eggs, applesauce, canned chicken, mashed potatoes, ground meat, and refried beans. Meals were still 2 oz in 30 mins. I had to eat the protein first and if I got full from that I stopped. I was still drinking protein shakes twice a day. When I returned to work two weeks after WLS I was down 22 lbs.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work I go...
You did WHAT?!
I was happy to be home, but I was a bit nervous as well. I got settled in my big over sized chair and I was ready to knock out! There were a couple of friends who stopped by when I got home to see me and drop some things off I had asked for. When they left it was everything I could to do to keep my eyes open. I needed pain meds and I needed sleep!
About halfway through the night I felt like I would be more comfortable in my bed so I went and laid down. BIG MISTAKE! I almost couldn't get up. I went back out to my chair and was very frustrated. I was uncomfortable and there was nothing I, nor anyone else could do. I got back to sleep and slept OK the rest of the night. When morning came it was time for me to say bye to my lady bug. I would lying to say there were no tears. I was so grateful for her taking the time to come help me. I felt so blessed to be important enough to someone for them to come and be with me so I didn't have to be alone through this process.
A friend of mine from church was coming to help me later that morning and I had a project that I needed to get started on. I had agreed to do a birthday cake for a friends son that was due the Sunday after I was released from the hospital. Crazy, I know! Said cake was two tiers with a shark coming out of it. I baked all the cakes before I went in for surgery. Saturday after lady bug left and I woke up I started working on getting the cake done. I would stand up and work on it for about 30 mins at a time and then I would have to rest and nap for a while. By the end of the day, with some help of a friend, I had finished the cake. It probably wasn't the best cake I had ever done, but I did it!
I was EXHAUSTED after doing the cake. I had to really take it easy. Over the next couple days I still did a lot of sleeping. I didn't leave my chair much except to use the potty. I did, however get up and walk everyday for at least 5-10 mins. I was frustrated with myself because I thought that I should be able to do more but, My friends and the people around me were very supportive and encouraging. They were also good at reminding me that I just had major surgery and it would take a while to get pack to par. On Monday I went out and walked the small parking lot at my apartment. As I was doing this I noticed that across the way there was an old man out walking with his caregiver. I turned to my friend that was with me that day and laughed, I said, "guess it's walk the handicaps time." We got a good laugh at that. The rest of the week it seemed to not matter what time I went out for my short walk the old man and his caregiver were always out at the same time!
Tuesday night I was feeling pretty good and thought I would try sleeping in my own bed again. I was OK for an hour or two and then I started to hurt really bad. I went back out to my chair and dealt with the really sharp pain that had developed on my side. By morning, when the pain hadn't gone away I started to freak out. I thought I had done something really bad. I called Dr. Salameh's office and they asked that I come in. So we rushed up to his office and he felt around and checked me out and told me that I probably just moved funny and that I should be OK. I had a check up scheduled for Friday anyway and he would follow up then. I went home and took it easy and slept most of the day. By Friday I was feeling 90% better! I had virtually no pain! It was amazing the transformation. I was walking regularly and I was feeling great. I went to my appointment and my doctor was pleased with how I was doing!
Full liquids was the stage that I was on with my food. I could take in 2 oz. of food per meal and my meals were supposed to take 30 mins. 1oz every 15 mins. Trying to make 1 oz of food last for 15 mins was extremely difficult. My favorite thing to eat during this stage was Panera Bread's broccoli cheddar soup strained. It was thick and it had the most flavor. I also at this point was drinking protein shakes twice a day to make sure I was getting enough protein in me. I never felt hungry and I was becoming the person who would forget to eat. However, I was dying to be able to actually chew something.
About halfway through the night I felt like I would be more comfortable in my bed so I went and laid down. BIG MISTAKE! I almost couldn't get up. I went back out to my chair and was very frustrated. I was uncomfortable and there was nothing I, nor anyone else could do. I got back to sleep and slept OK the rest of the night. When morning came it was time for me to say bye to my lady bug. I would lying to say there were no tears. I was so grateful for her taking the time to come help me. I felt so blessed to be important enough to someone for them to come and be with me so I didn't have to be alone through this process.
A friend of mine from church was coming to help me later that morning and I had a project that I needed to get started on. I had agreed to do a birthday cake for a friends son that was due the Sunday after I was released from the hospital. Crazy, I know! Said cake was two tiers with a shark coming out of it. I baked all the cakes before I went in for surgery. Saturday after lady bug left and I woke up I started working on getting the cake done. I would stand up and work on it for about 30 mins at a time and then I would have to rest and nap for a while. By the end of the day, with some help of a friend, I had finished the cake. It probably wasn't the best cake I had ever done, but I did it!
I was EXHAUSTED after doing the cake. I had to really take it easy. Over the next couple days I still did a lot of sleeping. I didn't leave my chair much except to use the potty. I did, however get up and walk everyday for at least 5-10 mins. I was frustrated with myself because I thought that I should be able to do more but, My friends and the people around me were very supportive and encouraging. They were also good at reminding me that I just had major surgery and it would take a while to get pack to par. On Monday I went out and walked the small parking lot at my apartment. As I was doing this I noticed that across the way there was an old man out walking with his caregiver. I turned to my friend that was with me that day and laughed, I said, "guess it's walk the handicaps time." We got a good laugh at that. The rest of the week it seemed to not matter what time I went out for my short walk the old man and his caregiver were always out at the same time!
Tuesday night I was feeling pretty good and thought I would try sleeping in my own bed again. I was OK for an hour or two and then I started to hurt really bad. I went back out to my chair and dealt with the really sharp pain that had developed on my side. By morning, when the pain hadn't gone away I started to freak out. I thought I had done something really bad. I called Dr. Salameh's office and they asked that I come in. So we rushed up to his office and he felt around and checked me out and told me that I probably just moved funny and that I should be OK. I had a check up scheduled for Friday anyway and he would follow up then. I went home and took it easy and slept most of the day. By Friday I was feeling 90% better! I had virtually no pain! It was amazing the transformation. I was walking regularly and I was feeling great. I went to my appointment and my doctor was pleased with how I was doing!
Full liquids was the stage that I was on with my food. I could take in 2 oz. of food per meal and my meals were supposed to take 30 mins. 1oz every 15 mins. Trying to make 1 oz of food last for 15 mins was extremely difficult. My favorite thing to eat during this stage was Panera Bread's broccoli cheddar soup strained. It was thick and it had the most flavor. I also at this point was drinking protein shakes twice a day to make sure I was getting enough protein in me. I never felt hungry and I was becoming the person who would forget to eat. However, I was dying to be able to actually chew something.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I Dídn't Do This For Nothin'
All the rooms at the hospital that I was in were private! Thank goodness!! By the time I got up to my room all I wanted was a drink of water and to sleep. I couldn't keep my eyes open! I realize I had just gotten out of surgery but still. My mouth was SO dry and my throat hurt so bad from being inti bated. The problem was that I was not allowed anything by mouth until they did a swallow test on me. The problem with this was they weren't going to do the swallow test until the next day. Their answer, those stupid little sponge swabby things that don't do a damn thing but make you want a glass of water even more.
Swallow test: This is a test that they do where you drink this nasty thick syrupy stuff that tastes like a crap flavored creamsicle and as you are drinking it you are standing in front of an x-ray machine so that they can tell if there are any leaks or not from the surgery.
Anyway, so the day of surgery, day one, I spent most of the day in bed asleep, being woken up nurses and doctors and then when I was awake, reading the sweet things that people had texted, tweeted, and facebooked me.
About two hours after being in my room I decided that I wanted to try and walk. The nurse asked if I was sure and said that it was OK if I felt up to it. I told her that I didn't do this for nothin and I wanted to try. So with the help of Lady bug and the nurse I stood up. Hmmm....how do I explain how that felt? Being as heavy as I was means that I had an extremely large belly. When I stood up I had to hold my belly because it felt as if someone had attached cinder blocks to it and they were pulling so hard I thought part of my belly would rip off. Just a tad painful to say the least. So then the lightheadedness and nausea set it. Still I was determined. I am proud to say that I walked. I didn't walk very far. I only walked from one side of my bed to the other, but I walked. I was exhausted after that but so so proud and my nurses and doctors were as well. Lady bug thought I was crazy at first but she was proud as well. I slept the greater part of the rest of the day and all night, aided of course by pain meds.
The next morning, day two, I was DYING for some water. I wasn't hungry. I was thirsty and my throat felt like the Mojave desert in the middle of the afternoon with sun beating down on it in the middle of the summer. I was told that we were going to do the swallow test in the morning so that we would get the results back and I would could drink something. Transport came to get me around 10:30 am and took me down to radiology where I laid and waited for about an hour. I was wheeled back to the x-ray room and asked to lay flat on my back. This was not comfortable. Again I remind you of the large belly, only this time it felt like the cinder blocks were attached to either side and that my belly was going to tear right down the middle. Breathe in, breathe out. Breath in, breathe out. That is how I made it through that. So they tilt the table up and bring the x-ray screen in front of me and I begin swallowing this amazing (see how hard I can roll my eyes) syrupy dye while they watch it travel through my system. I finish this lovely procedure and am transported back up to my room.
I knew that I wold have at least an hour or two before I got the results so I slept a little and then decided that I wanted to walk again. My nurse sent the student nurses to come help me. I got out of bed and this time it was incredibly easier. I still felt like I needed to hold my belly as I walked but the cinder blocks felt as though they had been replaced by much smaller bricks. This I could handle. So we ventured out a little farther. I walked the hall of the floor I was on and did two laps. They asked me if I was sure and again my response was, "I didn't do this for nothin!". I was hoping that by the time I got back to my room I would have test results back and that I would be able to indulge in some cold water. No such luck. Good thing we did the swallow test early so I would be able to take something by mouth! Around 6 pm the nurse, Dr. Salameh, and the cafeteria guy all came in the room at the same time. My results were back and I think they knew they had better be prepared with something that I could consume. Although, all I wanted was some water, and some water is what I got.
That night I was on a clear liquid diet. My dinner tray consisted of lemon sugar-free jello, broth, a sugar-free Popsicle and that was it. Even though I can't stand the flavor of lemon, I ate one oz of the jello and had about one oz of water and I was STUFFED! How great it felt though to be able to drink water.
Now that it was confirmed that I didn't have any leaky parts they took me off of the IV pain meds and started me on liquid oral pain meds. I was given some percocet and boy did that take the pain away! Whoa that is some good stuff. About the time the pain went a way I started to feel like I had ants crawling all over me. I was SO itchy. What in the world was going on. Lady bug was hollering at me to stop scratching but it was just so unbearable. Guess we found out the hard way that I have another allergy, percocet. When it was time for my next dose they gave me some benadryl with it to counter act the itchy. Well kids, let me tell ya, this didn't do a lick of good. All it did was make me sleepy and I still was so itchy I couldn't stand it. I was supposed to let Minna, My nurse know when my pain was a 5 or 6 so she could give me more meds. Quite a few hours had passed and I still hadn't asked for pain meds, so when she came in she asked what level my pain was. I sheepishly told her it was 7 or 8 and she was not happy. The thing is I would rather be in that much pain than be all itchy. That's how bad it was. Minna quickly got my Dr. to change my Rx and I was given loratab for pain and this one didn't make me itch! WooHoo! I was a happy camper.
That day I had a couple visitors come see me and that was great! For people to come out of their way just to spend a few moments to brighten your day when you are in the hospital is a feeling that you can't explain. I even got flowers!
Friday, day 3 I woke up to a few of the doctors coming in for rounds and to check on me. They were very pleased with the progress I was making and how well I was handling everything. A couple hours later one of the doctors came into remove my drain since I was being released that evening. Now let me tell you about this whole drain removal process...the doctor explained to me that she was going to pull the tubing out and that it might feel a little strange. I told her that was fine but to just take it easy on me. Her response was, "You don't want me to go easy, you will want me to go as quickly as I can." For those of you who have never had a drain in before, she was right. The way it felt as she was pulling it out was not a felling that anyone can prepare you for. She grabbed hold of the tube and started yanking. She pulled and pulled until it came out. As she was yanking this tubing out of my body it felt as though she was literally pulling my intestines out. Now let's talk a little about when the end came out. When she got to the end it came out in spurt of blood. You would have thought my room was a battlefield. There was blood everywhere. On the floor. On the bed. On me. On the machines. EVERYWHERE. I was relieved to have that taken care of.
I had graduated to full liquid diet by Friday which meant that I could have anything on the clear liquid diet plus fat free milk, sugar-free pudding, plain yogurt, and strained cream soups. I had vanilla pudding for lunch that day. To get used to portion sizes I was using a medicine cup to measure everything.
The nurse helped me take a shower before I packed up to go home and that felt so good after laying in that hospital bed for 3 days. Although by the time I got out of the shower and dressed and all packed up I was pooped. I had to take a short nap before I could leave. About 5pm that night they wheeled me down to the car so lady bug could drive me home. We stopped at the pharmacy on the way home to get my scripts. And then we sat in Friday night rush hour traffic. I was in pain. I was uncomfortable and I wanted to be home.
We finally got home about 8 pm and lady bug helped me in the house and then graciously brought all my things in and took amazing care of me through the night until she had to leave the next morning. I was sad to see her go, but ever so grateful for her coming to be with me and help me while I was in the hospital.
After lady bug was gone I had many wonderful friends from my church that willing came to help me while I was at home.
Swallow test: This is a test that they do where you drink this nasty thick syrupy stuff that tastes like a crap flavored creamsicle and as you are drinking it you are standing in front of an x-ray machine so that they can tell if there are any leaks or not from the surgery.
Anyway, so the day of surgery, day one, I spent most of the day in bed asleep, being woken up nurses and doctors and then when I was awake, reading the sweet things that people had texted, tweeted, and facebooked me.
About two hours after being in my room I decided that I wanted to try and walk. The nurse asked if I was sure and said that it was OK if I felt up to it. I told her that I didn't do this for nothin and I wanted to try. So with the help of Lady bug and the nurse I stood up. Hmmm....how do I explain how that felt? Being as heavy as I was means that I had an extremely large belly. When I stood up I had to hold my belly because it felt as if someone had attached cinder blocks to it and they were pulling so hard I thought part of my belly would rip off. Just a tad painful to say the least. So then the lightheadedness and nausea set it. Still I was determined. I am proud to say that I walked. I didn't walk very far. I only walked from one side of my bed to the other, but I walked. I was exhausted after that but so so proud and my nurses and doctors were as well. Lady bug thought I was crazy at first but she was proud as well. I slept the greater part of the rest of the day and all night, aided of course by pain meds.
The next morning, day two, I was DYING for some water. I wasn't hungry. I was thirsty and my throat felt like the Mojave desert in the middle of the afternoon with sun beating down on it in the middle of the summer. I was told that we were going to do the swallow test in the morning so that we would get the results back and I would could drink something. Transport came to get me around 10:30 am and took me down to radiology where I laid and waited for about an hour. I was wheeled back to the x-ray room and asked to lay flat on my back. This was not comfortable. Again I remind you of the large belly, only this time it felt like the cinder blocks were attached to either side and that my belly was going to tear right down the middle. Breathe in, breathe out. Breath in, breathe out. That is how I made it through that. So they tilt the table up and bring the x-ray screen in front of me and I begin swallowing this amazing (see how hard I can roll my eyes) syrupy dye while they watch it travel through my system. I finish this lovely procedure and am transported back up to my room.
I knew that I wold have at least an hour or two before I got the results so I slept a little and then decided that I wanted to walk again. My nurse sent the student nurses to come help me. I got out of bed and this time it was incredibly easier. I still felt like I needed to hold my belly as I walked but the cinder blocks felt as though they had been replaced by much smaller bricks. This I could handle. So we ventured out a little farther. I walked the hall of the floor I was on and did two laps. They asked me if I was sure and again my response was, "I didn't do this for nothin!". I was hoping that by the time I got back to my room I would have test results back and that I would be able to indulge in some cold water. No such luck. Good thing we did the swallow test early so I would be able to take something by mouth! Around 6 pm the nurse, Dr. Salameh, and the cafeteria guy all came in the room at the same time. My results were back and I think they knew they had better be prepared with something that I could consume. Although, all I wanted was some water, and some water is what I got.
That night I was on a clear liquid diet. My dinner tray consisted of lemon sugar-free jello, broth, a sugar-free Popsicle and that was it. Even though I can't stand the flavor of lemon, I ate one oz of the jello and had about one oz of water and I was STUFFED! How great it felt though to be able to drink water.
Now that it was confirmed that I didn't have any leaky parts they took me off of the IV pain meds and started me on liquid oral pain meds. I was given some percocet and boy did that take the pain away! Whoa that is some good stuff. About the time the pain went a way I started to feel like I had ants crawling all over me. I was SO itchy. What in the world was going on. Lady bug was hollering at me to stop scratching but it was just so unbearable. Guess we found out the hard way that I have another allergy, percocet. When it was time for my next dose they gave me some benadryl with it to counter act the itchy. Well kids, let me tell ya, this didn't do a lick of good. All it did was make me sleepy and I still was so itchy I couldn't stand it. I was supposed to let Minna, My nurse know when my pain was a 5 or 6 so she could give me more meds. Quite a few hours had passed and I still hadn't asked for pain meds, so when she came in she asked what level my pain was. I sheepishly told her it was 7 or 8 and she was not happy. The thing is I would rather be in that much pain than be all itchy. That's how bad it was. Minna quickly got my Dr. to change my Rx and I was given loratab for pain and this one didn't make me itch! WooHoo! I was a happy camper.
That day I had a couple visitors come see me and that was great! For people to come out of their way just to spend a few moments to brighten your day when you are in the hospital is a feeling that you can't explain. I even got flowers!
Friday, day 3 I woke up to a few of the doctors coming in for rounds and to check on me. They were very pleased with the progress I was making and how well I was handling everything. A couple hours later one of the doctors came into remove my drain since I was being released that evening. Now let me tell you about this whole drain removal process...the doctor explained to me that she was going to pull the tubing out and that it might feel a little strange. I told her that was fine but to just take it easy on me. Her response was, "You don't want me to go easy, you will want me to go as quickly as I can." For those of you who have never had a drain in before, she was right. The way it felt as she was pulling it out was not a felling that anyone can prepare you for. She grabbed hold of the tube and started yanking. She pulled and pulled until it came out. As she was yanking this tubing out of my body it felt as though she was literally pulling my intestines out. Now let's talk a little about when the end came out. When she got to the end it came out in spurt of blood. You would have thought my room was a battlefield. There was blood everywhere. On the floor. On the bed. On me. On the machines. EVERYWHERE. I was relieved to have that taken care of.
I had graduated to full liquid diet by Friday which meant that I could have anything on the clear liquid diet plus fat free milk, sugar-free pudding, plain yogurt, and strained cream soups. I had vanilla pudding for lunch that day. To get used to portion sizes I was using a medicine cup to measure everything.
The nurse helped me take a shower before I packed up to go home and that felt so good after laying in that hospital bed for 3 days. Although by the time I got out of the shower and dressed and all packed up I was pooped. I had to take a short nap before I could leave. About 5pm that night they wheeled me down to the car so lady bug could drive me home. We stopped at the pharmacy on the way home to get my scripts. And then we sat in Friday night rush hour traffic. I was in pain. I was uncomfortable and I wanted to be home.
We finally got home about 8 pm and lady bug helped me in the house and then graciously brought all my things in and took amazing care of me through the night until she had to leave the next morning. I was sad to see her go, but ever so grateful for her coming to be with me and help me while I was in the hospital.
After lady bug was gone I had many wonderful friends from my church that willing came to help me while I was at home.
Lady Bugs Bring You Good Luck
For seven days prior to WLS I was only allowed to consume protein shakes, water, sugar-free jello, crystal light, and sugar-free Popsicles. When you weigh as much as I did your liver tends to be big and fatty. Being on a diet such as the one that I had to be for the week before surgery can shrink your liver up op 20%. The reason why they ask you to do this is because your liver is so close to your stomach and intestines and if it is in the way when the doctor goes in laproscopically then there is a greater chance of them having to cut you open for the surgery. I was going to everything I could to ensure that there were no complications!
In the few weeks leading up to surgery I was a bit worried because it seamed like very time I secured someone to help me something would come up and they would have to cancel. Up until the Sunday before surgery, which was on Wednesday, I still didn't know who was gonna be with me.
They say, that lady bugs bring you good luck. Well, the Lord has seen fit to bless me with my very own lady bug in the form of a dear friend I call my sister. By some miracle my lady bug had found a way to be able to fly across the country and be with me while I was in the hospital. Tuesday night I drove to the airport and picked up my lady bug.
Wednesday morning April 11th 2012. This was the day that I had been waiting for! I was SO excited. Lady bug and I got up super early since I had to be at the hospital at 6:30. Surgery was scheduled for 8:30 am. We arrived at the hospital and got all signed in and then sat in the waiting room for them to call me back. The nurse came out and called my name and took us back. First they weighed me and then we got settled in the pre- op room. They made me pee in a cup so they could make sure I wasn't preggers and then I had to put on my hospital gown. Nurse then starts asking me all the standard health questions that they ask you. I can't remember all the questions, however there is one that stands out in my in my mind. She asked me if I was allergic to anything. Now to most my answer wouldn't cause any second thought. To lady bug and myself it caused some giggles. Some of you will understand and some won't and that is OK. This is not the place to explain. So, am I allergic to anything? Yes, walnuts. I am allergic to walnuts. So they slap this red ALLERGY band to my wrist and every time another doctor or nurse comes in they ask what my allergy is and I answer walnuts followed by lady bug and I giggling.
Now it's time for the IV. The nurse starts bragging about how she is really good at getting veins and how I have nothing to worry about. That is until she pokes my hand and blows the vein. She was finally able to get a good stick in on my arm. Whew, that parts over. Now that my IV is in we get greeted by everyone who will be doing something or another to me during surgery. Dr. Salameh came in and talked to me a little about what was going to happen. Then the anaesthesiologist came in and talked to me about putting me under. THIS is when the nerves kicked in. I have never been put under before and all the stories you hear of people waking up feeling and seeing what's going on but not being able to move, start running through my mind. After he left we sat and waited. And waited and waited. A couple of nurses finally came and got me and I said good bye to lady bug and they wheeled me down the hall into the OR. Once in the OR they gave me something to knock me out and the last thing I remember is the nurse asking if I could help them get me over to the table. I'm not sure if I was much help or not because I don't remember. LOL.
The next thing I know I was REALLY groggy and barely waking up in recovery and feeling like I had been jumped in the back alley. After about two hours in recovery they wheeled me up to my room where I got to see my lady bug again. I was then told that everything had gone smooth and I did really well.
They say, lady bugs bring you good luck.
In the few weeks leading up to surgery I was a bit worried because it seamed like very time I secured someone to help me something would come up and they would have to cancel. Up until the Sunday before surgery, which was on Wednesday, I still didn't know who was gonna be with me.
They say, that lady bugs bring you good luck. Well, the Lord has seen fit to bless me with my very own lady bug in the form of a dear friend I call my sister. By some miracle my lady bug had found a way to be able to fly across the country and be with me while I was in the hospital. Tuesday night I drove to the airport and picked up my lady bug.
Wednesday morning April 11th 2012. This was the day that I had been waiting for! I was SO excited. Lady bug and I got up super early since I had to be at the hospital at 6:30. Surgery was scheduled for 8:30 am. We arrived at the hospital and got all signed in and then sat in the waiting room for them to call me back. The nurse came out and called my name and took us back. First they weighed me and then we got settled in the pre- op room. They made me pee in a cup so they could make sure I wasn't preggers and then I had to put on my hospital gown. Nurse then starts asking me all the standard health questions that they ask you. I can't remember all the questions, however there is one that stands out in my in my mind. She asked me if I was allergic to anything. Now to most my answer wouldn't cause any second thought. To lady bug and myself it caused some giggles. Some of you will understand and some won't and that is OK. This is not the place to explain. So, am I allergic to anything? Yes, walnuts. I am allergic to walnuts. So they slap this red ALLERGY band to my wrist and every time another doctor or nurse comes in they ask what my allergy is and I answer walnuts followed by lady bug and I giggling.
Now it's time for the IV. The nurse starts bragging about how she is really good at getting veins and how I have nothing to worry about. That is until she pokes my hand and blows the vein. She was finally able to get a good stick in on my arm. Whew, that parts over. Now that my IV is in we get greeted by everyone who will be doing something or another to me during surgery. Dr. Salameh came in and talked to me a little about what was going to happen. Then the anaesthesiologist came in and talked to me about putting me under. THIS is when the nerves kicked in. I have never been put under before and all the stories you hear of people waking up feeling and seeing what's going on but not being able to move, start running through my mind. After he left we sat and waited. And waited and waited. A couple of nurses finally came and got me and I said good bye to lady bug and they wheeled me down the hall into the OR. Once in the OR they gave me something to knock me out and the last thing I remember is the nurse asking if I could help them get me over to the table. I'm not sure if I was much help or not because I don't remember. LOL.
The next thing I know I was REALLY groggy and barely waking up in recovery and feeling like I had been jumped in the back alley. After about two hours in recovery they wheeled me up to my room where I got to see my lady bug again. I was then told that everything had gone smooth and I did really well.
They say, lady bugs bring you good luck.
A Gentle Giant
I was given a referral to see J. R. Salameh, MD, FACS with Surgical Associates at Virginia Hospital Center. I called and scheduled my appointment to meet with him and then immediately got online to do as much research as I could on the man that was going to be changing my life. I was impressed. Dr. Salameh is a very learned, well practiced, talented man when it comes to being a surgeon.
One morning at the beginning of March 2012, I found myself anxiously sitting in the examination room waiting to meet Dr. Salameh. So much was going through my head. Was this doctor going to judge me? Was he going to tell me that I haven't tried to diet and exercise hard enough and to try again before he would operate? How long would I have to wait until I could schedule my surgery? Was I going to be able to handle the requirements? Could I discipline myself enough to follow what I needed to after my insides were re-routed? I was nervous, excited, scared and happy all at the same time.
That's when I heard the light tap on the door that doctors always do before entering an examination room. Dr. Salameh walked in and he was a man that was very large in stature and a bit intimidating. He smiled and said hello, introduced himself and immediately put me at ease. He asked me to share my story with him and explain to him why I wanted to make this change in my life. I began to explain to him my struggles, I explained through tears rolling down my face, how I refused to let obesity and diabetes take my life. As I finished my explanation and looked up at him and saw all the compassion in the world in his eyes, I KNEW he was not judging me. I KNEW that he wanted to help me and that I could trust this man. Dr. Salameh then started to explain to me that WLS was not a cure but merely a tool to help me accomplish my goals. He then explained something to me that struck my heart and validated why I had chosen to have WLS. He explained to me that losing weight is hard enough when you are only 15-20 pounds over weight let alone when you are carrying 100 plus pounds around as I was. He explained that out of the people who weigh as much as I did and more and try to lose weight by diet and exercise alone, only 3% are successful. THREE PERCENT! The odds were ever not in my favor.
We discussed the different WLS options and agreed that Gastric Bypass was the best option for me. I had to meet with the nutritionist that works out of his office once before surgery and then I was good to go. I made an appointment with the nutritionist and also scheduled my surgery date. My surgery was scheduled for April 11, 2012. That was THREE weeks away.
How blessed I was to have been given this Gentle Giant to help me change my life.
One morning at the beginning of March 2012, I found myself anxiously sitting in the examination room waiting to meet Dr. Salameh. So much was going through my head. Was this doctor going to judge me? Was he going to tell me that I haven't tried to diet and exercise hard enough and to try again before he would operate? How long would I have to wait until I could schedule my surgery? Was I going to be able to handle the requirements? Could I discipline myself enough to follow what I needed to after my insides were re-routed? I was nervous, excited, scared and happy all at the same time.
That's when I heard the light tap on the door that doctors always do before entering an examination room. Dr. Salameh walked in and he was a man that was very large in stature and a bit intimidating. He smiled and said hello, introduced himself and immediately put me at ease. He asked me to share my story with him and explain to him why I wanted to make this change in my life. I began to explain to him my struggles, I explained through tears rolling down my face, how I refused to let obesity and diabetes take my life. As I finished my explanation and looked up at him and saw all the compassion in the world in his eyes, I KNEW he was not judging me. I KNEW that he wanted to help me and that I could trust this man. Dr. Salameh then started to explain to me that WLS was not a cure but merely a tool to help me accomplish my goals. He then explained something to me that struck my heart and validated why I had chosen to have WLS. He explained to me that losing weight is hard enough when you are only 15-20 pounds over weight let alone when you are carrying 100 plus pounds around as I was. He explained that out of the people who weigh as much as I did and more and try to lose weight by diet and exercise alone, only 3% are successful. THREE PERCENT! The odds were ever not in my favor.
We discussed the different WLS options and agreed that Gastric Bypass was the best option for me. I had to meet with the nutritionist that works out of his office once before surgery and then I was good to go. I made an appointment with the nutritionist and also scheduled my surgery date. My surgery was scheduled for April 11, 2012. That was THREE weeks away.
How blessed I was to have been given this Gentle Giant to help me change my life.
Tests
Once I was approved to meet with my surgeon I still had a few tests that had to be completed.
First I had to have an abdominal ultrasound. Very simple and painless. Now if you have ever had a pelvic ultrasound you know that you are asked to drink TONS of water so they can get better images and see what they need to. When the receptionist called to remind me of my appointment she was giving me instructions that I needed to follow prior to my appointment. Not a big deal. She advised me that I needed to fill my bladder so the tech would get better images. OK, that's fine. The morning of my ultrasound I got up and started drinking water. I drank about 48 oz of water prior to my appointment. I got to the office and they were running late. Typically not an issue...unless you have 48 oz of water in your bladder just sitting there SCREAMING to come out and you aren't supposed to pee. FINALLY, they call my name and I go back. The tech starts the procedure and I am dying because I need to relieve my waters. Finally about halfway through the appointment (30 mins), I ask if there is anyway I can use the restroom and she can finish after. She asked if I could wait and if I really needed to go THAT bad. I told her how much water I had poured down me that morning and she laughed so hard you would have thought I had just shared the funniest joke she had ever heard. The tech then quickly sent me to the restroom to take care business. When I returned what seemed liked 30 mins later the tech told me that the receptionist must have not reviewed what type of ultrasound I was having before giving me instructions. Turns out that for abdominal ultrasounds there is absolutely NO need for you to fill your bladder prior. Laugh, it's OK. I did after the fact. :)
Next up on the list of tests was an EKG. Simple. Painless. Showed up to my doctor's office where I had to put on a hospital gown and then the nurse came in and put those stickers that are attached to wires all over my body and the machine read my heart. Took about 15 mins and I was good to go.
After my EKG I went down to x-ray so I could have my chest x-rayed. This also was simple and painless. I had to disrobe for this one too and again dress in a hospital gown. The tech doing the x-rays was a student and she didn't position me right the first and second time she attempted the x-rays so they had to get an actual tech to come in and show her. On the third attempt they were able to get the images of my chest that they needed.
The final test that I had to complete before I could meet with my surgeon was an endoscopy. This, not so simple and not so painless. I had to be at the hospital really early for this and I couldn't drive myself because they would be sedating me. When I got to the hospital I again dressed in one of those fashionable hospital gowns, they laid me on a gurney and gave me some medicine to sedate me. Next they had me roll onto my side and lay like that as they shoved a scope down my throat so they could make sure that my insides were OK for surgery. Now this sounds easy enough, however the whole gag reflex comes into play when something is being shoved down your throat. So I am laying there on my side coughing and gaging and drooling for what seams an eternity (15 mins) when they finally remove the scope. When I was coherent enough for the doctor to talk to me he explained that he had found a Heietal Hernia while he was down there. This is when tissue at the top of your stomach is protruding into your esophagus and is one of the causes of heartburn.
Now that I had completed all the tests I was ready to meet my surgeon.
First I had to have an abdominal ultrasound. Very simple and painless. Now if you have ever had a pelvic ultrasound you know that you are asked to drink TONS of water so they can get better images and see what they need to. When the receptionist called to remind me of my appointment she was giving me instructions that I needed to follow prior to my appointment. Not a big deal. She advised me that I needed to fill my bladder so the tech would get better images. OK, that's fine. The morning of my ultrasound I got up and started drinking water. I drank about 48 oz of water prior to my appointment. I got to the office and they were running late. Typically not an issue...unless you have 48 oz of water in your bladder just sitting there SCREAMING to come out and you aren't supposed to pee. FINALLY, they call my name and I go back. The tech starts the procedure and I am dying because I need to relieve my waters. Finally about halfway through the appointment (30 mins), I ask if there is anyway I can use the restroom and she can finish after. She asked if I could wait and if I really needed to go THAT bad. I told her how much water I had poured down me that morning and she laughed so hard you would have thought I had just shared the funniest joke she had ever heard. The tech then quickly sent me to the restroom to take care business. When I returned what seemed liked 30 mins later the tech told me that the receptionist must have not reviewed what type of ultrasound I was having before giving me instructions. Turns out that for abdominal ultrasounds there is absolutely NO need for you to fill your bladder prior. Laugh, it's OK. I did after the fact. :)
Next up on the list of tests was an EKG. Simple. Painless. Showed up to my doctor's office where I had to put on a hospital gown and then the nurse came in and put those stickers that are attached to wires all over my body and the machine read my heart. Took about 15 mins and I was good to go.
After my EKG I went down to x-ray so I could have my chest x-rayed. This also was simple and painless. I had to disrobe for this one too and again dress in a hospital gown. The tech doing the x-rays was a student and she didn't position me right the first and second time she attempted the x-rays so they had to get an actual tech to come in and show her. On the third attempt they were able to get the images of my chest that they needed.
The final test that I had to complete before I could meet with my surgeon was an endoscopy. This, not so simple and not so painless. I had to be at the hospital really early for this and I couldn't drive myself because they would be sedating me. When I got to the hospital I again dressed in one of those fashionable hospital gowns, they laid me on a gurney and gave me some medicine to sedate me. Next they had me roll onto my side and lay like that as they shoved a scope down my throat so they could make sure that my insides were OK for surgery. Now this sounds easy enough, however the whole gag reflex comes into play when something is being shoved down your throat. So I am laying there on my side coughing and gaging and drooling for what seams an eternity (15 mins) when they finally remove the scope. When I was coherent enough for the doctor to talk to me he explained that he had found a Heietal Hernia while he was down there. This is when tissue at the top of your stomach is protruding into your esophagus and is one of the causes of heartburn.
Now that I had completed all the tests I was ready to meet my surgeon.
Be Prepared
Be Prepared. This is something that boy scouts learn and are taught to live by.
So, I had made my decision, I dared to have WLS. When I moved to VA and was hired by an amazing company that offered incredible benefits I knew it was now or never. I contacted my health insurance company to see if this was covered and what all it would entail. My insurance company advised that this was a covered procedure with very minimal out of pocket expenses. SCORE!! I immediately scheduled and appointment with my doctor to see what I needed to do to move forward on this exciting, yet scary journey I was getting ready to embark on. My doctor was excited. He felt this was a great move for me and he gladly gave me the referral to meet with the nutritionist. He then explained to me what I was going to need to do.
Now, a lot of times what happens, depending on the insurance company, you meet with your doctor and they OK the procedure. You then have to get a few pre-op screening tests done, meet with the surgeon and then you are good to go and can schedule surgery. I was excited because I honestly thought I would be in the operating room with in a couple of months! This was not the case and as let down as I was in the beginning, I am so grateful for the program that I had to work through.
Kaiser is my health care provider and I love them! Kaiser has a six month program that you have to complete before your name can be sent before a board to be approved for WLS. The requirements are as follows:
6 months of monthly appointments with a nutritionist
2 WLS classes
1 weight control class
Lab work multiple times
Dispose of 3% of your current weight
Behavioral Health Clearance
So the journey begins.
Month 1: WLS Class One
This was the 1st appointment and the first class. In this class we learned about what WLS was and the different procedures. We learned about how much weight we could anticipate to lose with each procedure and we set our goal weights.We also learned what the guidelines were to be approved by Kaiser. At the very end of the class we weighed in. I was really excited and ready to move this process along.
Month 2: Individual Follow-up
There was a patient questionnaire that I had to fill out and bring with me to this visit. The questions on it were along the lines of current food/fluid intake, activity records and any dietary supplements that I was currently taking. There were also questions about what weight loss programs I had tried in the past. We, the Nutritionist and I reviewed my current eating and activity habits and discussed the importance of changing those habits to meet my personal weight goals. I was asked to keep a food diary. Month 2 is also the month that I attended the weight control class.
Month 3: Individual Follow-up
When meeting with the nutritionist this month she reviewed my food diary and we discussed portion sizes, meal spacing and fluid choices. We talked about daily activity, both programmed and lifestyle. We reviewed my smoking status...this is comical to me since my smoking status has always been: non-smoker. I also had to have an interview over the phone by a head doctor to advise that I am mentally stable enough to have WLS.
Month 4: WLS Class 2
In this class we were given a more detail look into the different procedures offered. We were taught how to eat after WLS and discussed dietary supplements that would be needed following surgery. We were also given some of the keys that it would take to being successful following surgery.
Month 5: Individual Follow-up
It's getting close. This month we, of course, reviewed my food diary. I was also asked to bring in the supplements that I had chosen to use after WLS so they could get a good idea of whether I knew what I needed or not. I had to also write out a sample meal/beverage schedule for timing of my meals, fluids and supplements. The final thing I had to do for this appointment was write out a sample menu for the puree and regular food stages.
Month 6: Individual Follow-up
FINAL appointment before my name could be submitted to the board. This month we basically just finalized everything. We also discussed medications and who would be supporting me during and immediately after surgery. My final weigh in was also this month. I was 2 pounds short of my goal. This was a bit nerve racking for me. My nutritionist advised that she would still submit my name because she felt that I was a good patient for this and supported me. I was denied. I had to get rid of those 2 pounds. It took a couple of weeks but I did it! I got those pesky pounds off and my name was re-submitted and I was APPROVED!!!!
This was a lot to got through just to be approved for WLS, however I am so grateful that I went through it because it truly prepared me for what I was going to have to know and do after. As the Boy Scouts say: Be Prepared.
So, I had made my decision, I dared to have WLS. When I moved to VA and was hired by an amazing company that offered incredible benefits I knew it was now or never. I contacted my health insurance company to see if this was covered and what all it would entail. My insurance company advised that this was a covered procedure with very minimal out of pocket expenses. SCORE!! I immediately scheduled and appointment with my doctor to see what I needed to do to move forward on this exciting, yet scary journey I was getting ready to embark on. My doctor was excited. He felt this was a great move for me and he gladly gave me the referral to meet with the nutritionist. He then explained to me what I was going to need to do.
Now, a lot of times what happens, depending on the insurance company, you meet with your doctor and they OK the procedure. You then have to get a few pre-op screening tests done, meet with the surgeon and then you are good to go and can schedule surgery. I was excited because I honestly thought I would be in the operating room with in a couple of months! This was not the case and as let down as I was in the beginning, I am so grateful for the program that I had to work through.
Kaiser is my health care provider and I love them! Kaiser has a six month program that you have to complete before your name can be sent before a board to be approved for WLS. The requirements are as follows:
6 months of monthly appointments with a nutritionist
2 WLS classes
1 weight control class
Lab work multiple times
Dispose of 3% of your current weight
Behavioral Health Clearance
So the journey begins.
Month 1: WLS Class One
This was the 1st appointment and the first class. In this class we learned about what WLS was and the different procedures. We learned about how much weight we could anticipate to lose with each procedure and we set our goal weights.We also learned what the guidelines were to be approved by Kaiser. At the very end of the class we weighed in. I was really excited and ready to move this process along.
Month 2: Individual Follow-up
There was a patient questionnaire that I had to fill out and bring with me to this visit. The questions on it were along the lines of current food/fluid intake, activity records and any dietary supplements that I was currently taking. There were also questions about what weight loss programs I had tried in the past. We, the Nutritionist and I reviewed my current eating and activity habits and discussed the importance of changing those habits to meet my personal weight goals. I was asked to keep a food diary. Month 2 is also the month that I attended the weight control class.
Month 3: Individual Follow-up
When meeting with the nutritionist this month she reviewed my food diary and we discussed portion sizes, meal spacing and fluid choices. We talked about daily activity, both programmed and lifestyle. We reviewed my smoking status...this is comical to me since my smoking status has always been: non-smoker. I also had to have an interview over the phone by a head doctor to advise that I am mentally stable enough to have WLS.
Month 4: WLS Class 2
In this class we were given a more detail look into the different procedures offered. We were taught how to eat after WLS and discussed dietary supplements that would be needed following surgery. We were also given some of the keys that it would take to being successful following surgery.
Month 5: Individual Follow-up
It's getting close. This month we, of course, reviewed my food diary. I was also asked to bring in the supplements that I had chosen to use after WLS so they could get a good idea of whether I knew what I needed or not. I had to also write out a sample meal/beverage schedule for timing of my meals, fluids and supplements. The final thing I had to do for this appointment was write out a sample menu for the puree and regular food stages.
Month 6: Individual Follow-up
FINAL appointment before my name could be submitted to the board. This month we basically just finalized everything. We also discussed medications and who would be supporting me during and immediately after surgery. My final weigh in was also this month. I was 2 pounds short of my goal. This was a bit nerve racking for me. My nutritionist advised that she would still submit my name because she felt that I was a good patient for this and supported me. I was denied. I had to get rid of those 2 pounds. It took a couple of weeks but I did it! I got those pesky pounds off and my name was re-submitted and I was APPROVED!!!!
This was a lot to got through just to be approved for WLS, however I am so grateful that I went through it because it truly prepared me for what I was going to have to know and do after. As the Boy Scouts say: Be Prepared.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Weight Disposal vs. Weight Loss
I want to shed some light on why I have chosen to use the term "weight disposal" rather than "weight loss". A few years ago my aunt and I were sitting in a Weight Watchers meeting when I first heard this and it made complete sense to me.
When you lose something the intention is typically to find it. For example: when you lose your car keys you look for them trying to find them.
When you dispose of something the intention is to get rid of it, never to see it again. For example: when you set the trash out for the garbage man to pick it up you don't then go looking for it because you want it back. You disposed of it and never want to see it again.
It works the same way with your weight. I use the term weight disposal because, let's be honest here, I want to get rid of the weight. I want it gone. I never want to see it again. I have absolutely no intention of losing it just to find it and put it back on.
So, that is why my mission is weight disposal and I have chosen to accept it!
When you lose something the intention is typically to find it. For example: when you lose your car keys you look for them trying to find them.
When you dispose of something the intention is to get rid of it, never to see it again. For example: when you set the trash out for the garbage man to pick it up you don't then go looking for it because you want it back. You disposed of it and never want to see it again.
It works the same way with your weight. I use the term weight disposal because, let's be honest here, I want to get rid of the weight. I want it gone. I never want to see it again. I have absolutely no intention of losing it just to find it and put it back on.
So, that is why my mission is weight disposal and I have chosen to accept it!
My 376 pound life.
Whenever I would go to the movies I would always come out with bruises on my hips because I was too wide for the seats. If I took an airplane ride the seat belt didn't reach around me so I had to request a seat belt extension. As I would board the plane I would pray hoping there wouldn't be anyone sitting next to me because I was embarrassed that I would be crowding them. I feared they would complain that I was too big and that I would be required to purchase another seat on the plane so that I would fit. I can't remember the last time I was able to wrap a towel around me. When I moved to Florida I discovered these beach towel blanket things and they worked perfect for this fat girl. I went to the state fair with a friend who wanted to go on a couple of the rides and I had to do the walk of shame because I didn't fit. This happened on two occasions. I stopped going to amusement parks for that very reason. Well, all except Disneyland. At Disneyland they make the seats a bit wider. No wonder most above average people LOVE Disneyland. It's the only amusement park we can truly enjoy. I would never go shopping with friends for leisure. I had to shop at the specialty stores and had to pay what seemed to be twice as much for clothes. I mean, it makes sense. Big people have to pay more for clothing because it takes more material to cover our over sized bodies. Still sucks.
A long time ago I came to the realization that being offended was a choice. We can choose to be offended when someone says something or we can choose to not be offended. Chances are they didn't mean to be offensive anyway. I have always tried to be a positive person and not let things get me down. I am one of those fat girls that has always hid behind making "fat" jokes. I mean, if I make the joke first it doesn't give others any time to come up with it. This has not shielded me from getting hurt feelings. On the outside I would laugh and pretend like I wasn't bothered when on the inside I was crumbling and crying. Being as open and out there as I am, and being the first to make the jokes gave people a false sense of "I can say anything I want because Liz will think it's funny." For example: I have a really good friend that owns a motorcycle. He used to take me for rides on it. Something I really enjoyed. He started dating this girl who is by no means fat, however she is very tall. I had a BBQ at my house one night that they attended. At some point that evening she came up to me and started talking about how when my friend first asked her if she wanted to go for a ride on the motorcycle she felt self conscious and nervous because she is big. As the conversation progressed she said that once my friend told her not to worry about it, that he took me for rides, she felt much better because if he could handle taking me, he could handle taking her. This conversation happened in a very jovial way and I laughed, but on the inside I was dying.
Now don't get me wrong. I KNOW she did not make this comment to me with the intention to hurt my feelings or offend. What I am saying is that sometimes people don't think before they make comments. Myself included. To be honest I look back on that situation and it does make me laugh.
I don't write about any of this for the poor me factor. I don't wallow in self pity ever. I write about this simply to paint a picture of what life is like as a fat person. At my all time heaviest I was 376 lbs. TWENTY-FOUR pounds away from being 400 lbs. WOW! This was not a good situation, however I never used this as an excuse and I never let it stop me from doing the things that I wanted to. If I wanted to go to an amusement I went to Disneyland. I frequently went to the movies. I went on motorcycle rides. I constantly went on trips that required me to fly. I am constantly in need of updating my bucket list because I am always crossing something off.
The true challenge is getting to a point in life where no matter how much you weigh, no matter what race you are or religion you belong to or what trials you have to endure, embrace who you are. Love yourself, because only then will you be able to truly open your heart and life for others to love you as well.
A long time ago I came to the realization that being offended was a choice. We can choose to be offended when someone says something or we can choose to not be offended. Chances are they didn't mean to be offensive anyway. I have always tried to be a positive person and not let things get me down. I am one of those fat girls that has always hid behind making "fat" jokes. I mean, if I make the joke first it doesn't give others any time to come up with it. This has not shielded me from getting hurt feelings. On the outside I would laugh and pretend like I wasn't bothered when on the inside I was crumbling and crying. Being as open and out there as I am, and being the first to make the jokes gave people a false sense of "I can say anything I want because Liz will think it's funny." For example: I have a really good friend that owns a motorcycle. He used to take me for rides on it. Something I really enjoyed. He started dating this girl who is by no means fat, however she is very tall. I had a BBQ at my house one night that they attended. At some point that evening she came up to me and started talking about how when my friend first asked her if she wanted to go for a ride on the motorcycle she felt self conscious and nervous because she is big. As the conversation progressed she said that once my friend told her not to worry about it, that he took me for rides, she felt much better because if he could handle taking me, he could handle taking her. This conversation happened in a very jovial way and I laughed, but on the inside I was dying.
Now don't get me wrong. I KNOW she did not make this comment to me with the intention to hurt my feelings or offend. What I am saying is that sometimes people don't think before they make comments. Myself included. To be honest I look back on that situation and it does make me laugh.
I don't write about any of this for the poor me factor. I don't wallow in self pity ever. I write about this simply to paint a picture of what life is like as a fat person. At my all time heaviest I was 376 lbs. TWENTY-FOUR pounds away from being 400 lbs. WOW! This was not a good situation, however I never used this as an excuse and I never let it stop me from doing the things that I wanted to. If I wanted to go to an amusement I went to Disneyland. I frequently went to the movies. I went on motorcycle rides. I constantly went on trips that required me to fly. I am constantly in need of updating my bucket list because I am always crossing something off.
The true challenge is getting to a point in life where no matter how much you weigh, no matter what race you are or religion you belong to or what trials you have to endure, embrace who you are. Love yourself, because only then will you be able to truly open your heart and life for others to love you as well.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Truth or Dare?
I first started researching WLS (weight loss surgery) in 2005. I was living in Utah at the time, working at AOL. I had a great job with great benefits that actually covered WLS. There were a couple of my colleagues that had gone through WLS and highly recommended it. As we talked my interest became piqued. The question was, do I dare jump into this just based on the info that TWO people have given me, or do I research and find out the truth about the effect such a drastic measure with have on my life?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I either go big or go home. I decided to find out the truth and research the heck out of WLS. At the time there were three different procedures. I wanted to know the good, bad and ugly of all three. I started by going online to multiple websites and reading. I read, and read, and read. Just when I thought I had read everything there was out there about WLS, I did some more reading! After reading I went onto messages boards and chatted with people. After chatting with many people I decided I needed to interview people that had the different procedures. I needed to interview people that had good experiences and people that had bad experiences including complications. I sat down face to face with SIXTY people. Twenty people from each procedure. Ten people that had success and ten people that had complications. Now, when talking about interviewing these people, I should also mention that I am not very good at filtering the questions that come out of my mouth. If I think it I typically say it or ask it. Just who I am. So I asked. I asked all the questions that I had, even if they were uncomfortable for me or the person I was talking to.
This is what I learned:
The Truth: Nine times out of ten the people that I spoke with that were successful and would do it all over again if they had to, did everything that they were supposed to. They took the vitamins, they did everything their doctors asked or told them to. They followed the rules and the instructions. Hmmm, imagine that.
I also learned that nine times out of ten the ones that had complications and did not have success, the ones that wished they would have never taken this step, were the ones that thought that they were the exception to the rule.
You would think that after all that reading and interviewing all those incredible people I would have had the information that I needed to make a decision. Even though I was swaying very heavily to the side of having the surgery, I still needed to talk to some doctors. I needed to know what their professional opinion was. I made appointments with five different WLS surgeons. After speaking with them and sharing "my story" with them they all felt like WLS was a good option for me.
The Dare: Did I dare take this drastic step and change my life? YES!!! I did dare! I decided to have the Roux-en-y Gastric Bypass.
I started the process of submitting my paper work to my insurance company and getting some of the pre op screenings done. Due to some unfortunate events that happened in my personal life at the time, I had to quit my job and I moved back to California. This meant that I no longer had health insurance and had to withdraw from having the surgery. It wouldn't be until seven years later when the opportunity would come before me again.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I either go big or go home. I decided to find out the truth and research the heck out of WLS. At the time there were three different procedures. I wanted to know the good, bad and ugly of all three. I started by going online to multiple websites and reading. I read, and read, and read. Just when I thought I had read everything there was out there about WLS, I did some more reading! After reading I went onto messages boards and chatted with people. After chatting with many people I decided I needed to interview people that had the different procedures. I needed to interview people that had good experiences and people that had bad experiences including complications. I sat down face to face with SIXTY people. Twenty people from each procedure. Ten people that had success and ten people that had complications. Now, when talking about interviewing these people, I should also mention that I am not very good at filtering the questions that come out of my mouth. If I think it I typically say it or ask it. Just who I am. So I asked. I asked all the questions that I had, even if they were uncomfortable for me or the person I was talking to.
This is what I learned:
The Truth: Nine times out of ten the people that I spoke with that were successful and would do it all over again if they had to, did everything that they were supposed to. They took the vitamins, they did everything their doctors asked or told them to. They followed the rules and the instructions. Hmmm, imagine that.
I also learned that nine times out of ten the ones that had complications and did not have success, the ones that wished they would have never taken this step, were the ones that thought that they were the exception to the rule.
You would think that after all that reading and interviewing all those incredible people I would have had the information that I needed to make a decision. Even though I was swaying very heavily to the side of having the surgery, I still needed to talk to some doctors. I needed to know what their professional opinion was. I made appointments with five different WLS surgeons. After speaking with them and sharing "my story" with them they all felt like WLS was a good option for me.
The Dare: Did I dare take this drastic step and change my life? YES!!! I did dare! I decided to have the Roux-en-y Gastric Bypass.
I started the process of submitting my paper work to my insurance company and getting some of the pre op screenings done. Due to some unfortunate events that happened in my personal life at the time, I had to quit my job and I moved back to California. This meant that I no longer had health insurance and had to withdraw from having the surgery. It wouldn't be until seven years later when the opportunity would come before me again.
Big Boned
My entire life I have been over weight. People have many different ways of referring to this. Among my favorites are...
"There is just more of you to love."
"You are fluffy, not fat."
"Big, Beautiful, Woman."
And my ALL time favorite...
"You are just big boned."
...this one really makes me laugh. I don't know about you but the last time I checked I don't have bones in my belly, and if I did I don't think they would be THAT big.
So, I have a novel idea, let's call it what it is. I am FAT.
Growing up I was always the biggest out of my friends and among my cousins. My cousins never made an issue of my weight. My friends have always accepted me for who I am and have never made me feel bad for my size. For this I am truly blessed. There are a few instances that stand out in my mind of people making fun of me or giving me a hard time. One in particular.
You must understand that I come from a "big boned" family. We are not small by any means (except those that have married in). We spent much of my life going to my grandmother's house for get together as familess do. When I was eleven years old I remember going to Gram's house for a monthly birthday celebration one Sunday. I put on my favorite, most cute outfit that I had at the time. I liked this outfit because it made me feel good. I liked the way I looked in it and the way I felt in it. We got to Gram's house and one of my uncles took one look at me and said, "Why don't you get some clothes that fit you right and look good." This was the beginning of many weight based comments that I heard out of his mouth.
I didn't let things like this hold me down for too long. As I grew up I became a very confident woman. I know who I am and what I stand for. If people, family or friends, didn't love and accept me for who I was then that was their loss not mine.
Of course my size has always weighed on my mind (pun intended). I was never interested in being skinny. I have always been interested in being healthy. As I got into my 20's not only did my mops have Diabetes, but my pops had now been diagnosed, as well as my grandmother. CRAP. This means that I was at higher risk of getting the awful disease. This scared me. Then 2 1/2 years ago I watched my grandma die of a fatty liver. This scared me. Over the last 15 years and more so recently I watch as my mops suffers from complications of Diabetes and how it is slowly killing her. This scares me. In June of 2011 I was diagnosed with Diabetes. This scared me. Something HAD to be done.
Over the years I had tried so many different diets and exercise programs. I did Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Atkins, South Beach. I tried the cabbage soup diet. I hired a personal trainer, and went to the gym regularly. I tired the old fashioned "eat right and workout"method. I would always lose 25-30 lbs and then gain it all back.
I started to research Weight Loss Surgery and decided that this is what was going to work best for me in my life. I refused to let Diabetes and any complications from being fat kill me. This was not going to happen to me.
"There is just more of you to love."
"You are fluffy, not fat."
"Big, Beautiful, Woman."
And my ALL time favorite...
"You are just big boned."
...this one really makes me laugh. I don't know about you but the last time I checked I don't have bones in my belly, and if I did I don't think they would be THAT big.
So, I have a novel idea, let's call it what it is. I am FAT.
Growing up I was always the biggest out of my friends and among my cousins. My cousins never made an issue of my weight. My friends have always accepted me for who I am and have never made me feel bad for my size. For this I am truly blessed. There are a few instances that stand out in my mind of people making fun of me or giving me a hard time. One in particular.
You must understand that I come from a "big boned" family. We are not small by any means (except those that have married in). We spent much of my life going to my grandmother's house for get together as familess do. When I was eleven years old I remember going to Gram's house for a monthly birthday celebration one Sunday. I put on my favorite, most cute outfit that I had at the time. I liked this outfit because it made me feel good. I liked the way I looked in it and the way I felt in it. We got to Gram's house and one of my uncles took one look at me and said, "Why don't you get some clothes that fit you right and look good." This was the beginning of many weight based comments that I heard out of his mouth.
I didn't let things like this hold me down for too long. As I grew up I became a very confident woman. I know who I am and what I stand for. If people, family or friends, didn't love and accept me for who I was then that was their loss not mine.
Of course my size has always weighed on my mind (pun intended). I was never interested in being skinny. I have always been interested in being healthy. As I got into my 20's not only did my mops have Diabetes, but my pops had now been diagnosed, as well as my grandmother. CRAP. This means that I was at higher risk of getting the awful disease. This scared me. Then 2 1/2 years ago I watched my grandma die of a fatty liver. This scared me. Over the last 15 years and more so recently I watch as my mops suffers from complications of Diabetes and how it is slowly killing her. This scares me. In June of 2011 I was diagnosed with Diabetes. This scared me. Something HAD to be done.
Over the years I had tried so many different diets and exercise programs. I did Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Atkins, South Beach. I tried the cabbage soup diet. I hired a personal trainer, and went to the gym regularly. I tired the old fashioned "eat right and workout"method. I would always lose 25-30 lbs and then gain it all back.
I started to research Weight Loss Surgery and decided that this is what was going to work best for me in my life. I refused to let Diabetes and any complications from being fat kill me. This was not going to happen to me.
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