Gurglings

Haha I'm really not sure that I am spelling this right. Anyway. So, you how when you are SUPER hungry and your belly talks to you? It kinda gurgles and makes these loud noises? Of course along with it comes the awful feeling of being so hungry that the reason your belly is making those noises leads you to believe that it just might eat it's self.

Well...mine does it ALL the time these days. The only difference is that the hunger feeling doesn't come along with it and it is typically after I eat when it starts gurgling the most. I'm not totally sure why it does this but I suspect it is because the part of my stomach that is not attached to my pouch that actually holds the food, is still creating all the acids so that when the food gets into the intestines the acid will be there to meet up and break down the food. Now, I don't know this to be fact...that is just WLS according to Liz.

This is what I DO know...It's LOUD. I thought I was alone in this until I was sitting in my support group meeting last week and the woman next to me had her daughter sitting on her lap and her belly started to gurgle and her daughter jumped up real quick and looked at her mom and said "Tell it to shut up". We all started laughing and started discussing how our bellies talk to us.

Just another step along the path...may the journey continue....

Who is that?

I went shopping today. I needed a new pair of jeans because all of the ones that I currently have literally fall off. So, I went to the mall so I could go to Lane Bryant. That was a bust because there were undergoing some remodels. I just thought I would have to go another location. Well, I decided that since I was already at the mall I might as well wall the whole length because then I would get in a mile and half walk for a little exercise. I got no more than about 100 feet and saw Torrid.For those who don't know Torrid is another plus-size women's clothing store. I have never shopped there because even though they are plus-size their sizes stop at 24. That's was a problem when I have never been smaller than a 28. Today I went in because I knew my size 26 pants are falling off me so I figured I would be able to fit into the clothes at Torrid. I was right.

I went in at was welcomed by the sweetest sales girl. I explained to her that I had never been in there and that I was looking for jeans, but that I wasn't sure exactly what size I am. She helped me find a few different pairs of pants and then put me in a dressing room. I tried the 24's on and they were a bit big so I tried the 22's on...they fit great!!! I was so excited!

As I was trying other clothes on and spending a lot of time looking in the mirror I couldn't help but notice different things about my body. I have already written about most of the changes that I noticed but I was just eye opening to me to be looking in the mirror and see myself as a different person. I am still me but my body is going through so many changes. I am aware that as time goes on and I dispose of more weight my body will continue to change.

My collar bone is getting more prominent and I couldn't help but just stare at it. I have a waist that is becoming more defined. Not that I am happy about my chest, but my chest and butt are getting flat. I know that to some this may not seem like anything big, but I never thought I would see the day when these things would happen.

I don't spend much money on clothes these days because I know that I won't be wearing them for long. I am excited to see where else this journey is going to take me and to continue to discover the person underneath this fat suit.

May the journey continue...

Moving On...

I moved yesterday.

I know, I know, big deal. It was a big deal though. Not because I'm going to be saving money and not because I am now living with one of the coolest families I know. Although both of those are totally awesome reasons for it being a big deal!

Typically whenever I have moved in the past I have lifted small things here and there and found some men to do all the heavy lifting and loading. I would also need to take lots of breaks because I would get winded and just didn't have the endurance to do the work myself.

Moving yesterday was a big deal because with only the help 2* other people...one being another woman, I was able to get myself moved and was able to most of the lifting. I didn't care that I was all sweaty and gross, I didn't get winded, and I didn't need to take breaks. I was excited that I was working out by lifting and running in and out of the houses, making trips to move my stuff.

I am sore today and I can feel it in almost every limb of my body and I LOVE it!! This is what we in the WLS world call a non scale victory! Again, I know, big deal, but it is. This is what keeps me going. Small moments like this, when once again it is proven to me how awesome it is to live healthy.

And the journey continues.....

*we had one other woman helping us by letting use use her trailer...she was too prego to lift! :)

Butt Hurt

I have a problem. A problem that NEVER in a million years occurred to me. I am *SO* butt hurt. When losing a lot of weight there were issues that I knew I would encounter. I knew that my boobs would shrink...they are always the first to go. I knew that my clothes would begin to fall off of me as I went down in size. I knew that I would encounter loose skin. These are all things that I expected and knew were to come.

There are other things that have been happening that I never expected and had NO idea would happen! I am at this point 70 odd lbs down since the day of surgery if I sit for more than an hour at a time my butt hurts. My tail bone has lost all of it's padding and so now it gets sore really, really fast. This poses a problem when you work a desk job for a living. Heck I take bathroom breaks now a days just so I can go sit on the toilet...it's the most comfortable chair I can find since it's got a hole in the middle of it!

I made my friend feel my butt bone today because they were teasing me! Never in my life did I think I would have a boney butt...

Guess I was wrong!

On with the journey...

The Hardest Thing

Last week I had the opportunity to go home to California for a visit. A very long overdue visit. It had been a year and a half since I had last been home. I was very excited for my trip and I was super excited to see my family and close friends. Although I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous. The last time I stepped foot on California soil I had just gotten married and I was also at my heaviest weight. When I traveled home last week, my divorce was just finalized and I was 90 lbs lighter. So much was going through my head.

What would people think?
What kind of questions were people going to ask me?
Who was judging me?
Would everyone still love me for who I am?
Were people going to act weird around me now?

Once again in my life I was shown that I have no reason to worry. Of course I got questions, about the divorce and the weight disposal. Some were awkward, some were funny, some were expected and some made me think. In the end it all turned out OK.

The most frequent question I got was, "What has been the hardest thing since WLS?" Every time I was asked the question I think my answer changed...there are so many things that have been hard since having WLS. Of course I am only 4 months out and I am sure that as time goes on my answer will continue to change. I have been pondering this quite a bit the last week. There are a couple things I felt like touching on.

First I didn't realize how hard it would be to eat with other people. This may sound strange, so allow me to elaborate. As a society we all are constantly in hurry. We want everything to be fast and we are always on the go. This includes eating. Think about it. How often do you actually sit down and take time to eat a meal? Chew your food and allow it to digest a bit before you are on to the next task. My guess is that it probably isn't that often. I know for me before I had WLS I would scarf my meals down as fast as I could...shoot, I don't know if I even tasted it before it went down. Being post op and having to chew my food thoroughly and make my meals last 30 mins is very difficult when eating with people. As you are eating with someone who is eating like most do they are typically done with their meals in minutes...this in turn makes me want to eat as fast as I can so I am not holding them up. The problem then becomes that I have eaten too fast and backed everything up and then I get sick...the only way to relieve it is to puke.

Second, and probably highest on the list, is the mental battle that I face. Physically I am disposing of weight at a very rapid pace. Mentally I am not. It takes time for your mind to catch up with your body. Logically I know that I am disposing of weight really fast, however it is difficult when you go a week or two with out any weight disposal. I kinda freak out and wonder what it is that I am doing wrong. I have to remember to relax, it is all part of the process. It is also hard to believe people when they say things like "you look great"or "look at you all slim". I see myself everyday, and yes I can see that my clothes are getting super loose, but I still see myself at my heaviest. I still see that fat girl that I have always been.

I know that all of this will take some time and I take it day by day. It makes me laugh when I hear people say that this is the easy way out. That is definitely not the case. Having WLS is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but it is worth it. It's worth every challenge, every struggle, every tear, every accomplishment, every smile, and every day that I get to live a healthier life.