It's been a little while since I last wrote a post and there are some things that I have been experiencing and thought I would write about them.
I'll start with the not so positive things. First, and I know I have mentioned this before, my butt HURTS!!! It's getting really old. I can't sit anywhere for any amount of time without my tailbone just hurting. I have gotten rid of the padding so there is no buffer. If I have been sitting for a little while and go to get up I have to do it very carefully because the relieving of the pressure makes it hurt too.
I never thought about the fact that disposing of so much pain. I guess as an overweight person I didn't realize what would happen when I lost the majority of my padding. Sleeping can be a challenge most nights because I can never get comfortable. I toss and turn A LOT! Sleeping on my sides causes my hips to hurt really bad, as well and my knees becasue of it being bone on bone when they are together. Before I disposed of the weight I was a belly sleeper and now there is no way I can sleep like that. Sleeping on my back has proven to work the best however sleep doesn't last long because my tail bone starts screaming after a couple of hours.
On a happier note....
I can fit in a bath tub now!!! I never could take baths prior to the weight disposal becasue I just simply didn't fit and couldn't fill the tub with water. Now on the other hand I fit in the tub and can fill it with water and take nice long relaxing baths! Man was I missing out before!
I am also wearing smaller sizes! It's a little odd only because my body has shrunk but my mind hasn't. In my mind I am still the size 28 fat girl I was prior to disposing of all that weight! One of my greatest friends who I call my bonus sister, and I went to the mall the other day. I need some new dress pants. As I was walking around the store and holding things up to me I picked a skirt up in a size that in my mind would be WAY too small. I held the skirt up to my body and it was perfect. It is is hard to wrap my mind around the fact that my clothes are getting smaller. I even said that to my BS and in reply she said, "YOU are getting smaller. You don't see it, but I see it!!"
This post has kind of been all over the place and for that I apologize. These are things that have been tumbling in my head lately and I just needed to get them out. In no way shape or form did I mean to complain in the beginning part of the post. I just always promised to talk about the good, bad and ugly of this process.
I am so grateful that I have been given a second chance at my health and that has and always will be the number one aspect of this whole journey!!
I don't care what size you are or what shape you come in, remember to love yourself and who you are. Sure there are things that we all wish we could change. If it bothers you that much make a change...if you aren't willing to make the change then don't complain and embrace where you are, for if you don't love yourself first then no one else can.
Let's see where else this journey will take us....
Friday, March 1, 2013
Monday, December 17, 2012
The 3 Diamonds
As a young girl I was hanging out at a friends house and her older sister came in and started talking about the 3 diamonds that your legs should make when you stand with your legs together. One at the ankles, one at the knees and one at the thighs. I remember thinking to myself, "Yeah, right!! I will NEVER be thin enough for my legs to make the 3 diamonds." This is something that has always stuck with me and even though I am still NO WHERE near having the 3 diamonds I still hope to one day, maybe see them.
Today I was walking from my desk to the restroom and I realized something. I realized that when I walk now a days My legs don't rub together like they used to. This might seem like a very insignificant thing to most, but to a fat person and someone that has had to deal with chafing their whole life this is a BIG deal. I even leaned over to one of my supervisors and told her.
I know that I will never have a perfect body...I mean seriously, underneath it all I resemble a balloon that was blown up way past capacity and then deflated. However I am grateful for this journey that I am on and for the little every day victories that I accomplish such as walking with out my legs rubbing together.
What's next on this crazy journey....
Today I was walking from my desk to the restroom and I realized something. I realized that when I walk now a days My legs don't rub together like they used to. This might seem like a very insignificant thing to most, but to a fat person and someone that has had to deal with chafing their whole life this is a BIG deal. I even leaned over to one of my supervisors and told her.
I know that I will never have a perfect body...I mean seriously, underneath it all I resemble a balloon that was blown up way past capacity and then deflated. However I am grateful for this journey that I am on and for the little every day victories that I accomplish such as walking with out my legs rubbing together.
What's next on this crazy journey....
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Gobble Gobble
As Thanksgiving was approaching this year I was having a little bit of anxiety.
Growing up we would head over to grandma's house mid-morning and that when it it began. With grandma in the kitchen either cooking or baking and the rest of us milling around the house. You could catch some of us sitting in the living room glued the TV watching watching whatever football game was on. My dad inevitably would sit and fall asleep in whatever chair he happened to grace, this of course was not because he was lazy, but merely because the poor man was so sleep deprived from working the night shift. The older cousins would have some form of a football game going on the large beautifully manicured front lawn with the younger cousins riding around on various and sundry bikes, trikes and scooters. Given the right moment you might even happen to stumble on one cousin pushing another in the old fashioned, claw foot tub go-kart. Others would be found in the kitchen socializing as the final touches were being put on the amazing meal that we would all sit down to consume in the near hours. During this time of playing and socializing is when we began eating for the day! There was always many different options of cracker, chips, dips, veggies and of course the olives.
Around two or so in the afternoon is when any where from 30-60 of us would sit down to the table and a blessing would be said and then it was GAME ON. As we filled our plates we would go around the table and state what were were grateful for. My plate always had heaps of creamy mashed potatoes, buttered golden corn, at least 2 different types of savory turkey amongst multiple different side dishes. There was the 3-5 different kinds of jello and jello salads, the sweet potatoes with golden brown marshmallows on top, grandmas fresh out of the oven fluffy rolls with tons of butter, stuffing made from scratch and of course top it off with the gravy.
A few hours after dinner and stuffing ourselves so full you almost have to roll us around the house like the oopa loompa's rolled Violet out of the chocolate factory, is when the pies and desserts would show face. Of course it didn't matter that huge meal we just consumed still hadn't had time to even think about digesting. BRING ON THE PIE!!! My favorite was always my Aunt's chocolate chip pecan pie with a mountain of whipped cream on top.
Thanksgiving this year was a bit different. This was my first Thanksgiving after having had WLS. I was so anxious about how this was going to go down! How was I going to get through a Thanksgiving only being able to eat a cup of food and having all this yummy goodness around me.
We had two different kinds of mashed potatoes, Sweet potato casserole, cream corn, home made stuffing, broccoli salad, rolls, cranberry sauce, gravy and of course the turkey. Everything looked and smelled divine! I wanted it ALL. I had to remember though that I have come SO far and I also don't like how much pain I am in when I over eat, or how sick I get.
I am happy to report I did it! I survived Thanksgiving this year! I took a few bites of the side dishes that I wanted to and ate a good portion of turkey for protein purposes. I didn't over eat. I didn't get sick and most importantly I enjoyed myself. I was able to take a day that we tend to focus around food and instead focus on the people that I was sharing it with. I was also proud of myself because I played in the turkey bowl. I was able to RUN! I ran up and down the field and I didn't die! It felt good.
As this Thanksgiving season has come and gone, I have an abundance to be thankful for but, I will take the time here to express how grateful I am that I have become a healthier girl. I am grateful for modern medicine and the tools that we have to help ourselves if we choose to take advantage. I am grateful that I have been given a second chance to become who my Father in Heaven intended me to be.
So here we go, another stumbling block overcome along this beautiful journey...
Growing up we would head over to grandma's house mid-morning and that when it it began. With grandma in the kitchen either cooking or baking and the rest of us milling around the house. You could catch some of us sitting in the living room glued the TV watching watching whatever football game was on. My dad inevitably would sit and fall asleep in whatever chair he happened to grace, this of course was not because he was lazy, but merely because the poor man was so sleep deprived from working the night shift. The older cousins would have some form of a football game going on the large beautifully manicured front lawn with the younger cousins riding around on various and sundry bikes, trikes and scooters. Given the right moment you might even happen to stumble on one cousin pushing another in the old fashioned, claw foot tub go-kart. Others would be found in the kitchen socializing as the final touches were being put on the amazing meal that we would all sit down to consume in the near hours. During this time of playing and socializing is when we began eating for the day! There was always many different options of cracker, chips, dips, veggies and of course the olives.
Around two or so in the afternoon is when any where from 30-60 of us would sit down to the table and a blessing would be said and then it was GAME ON. As we filled our plates we would go around the table and state what were were grateful for. My plate always had heaps of creamy mashed potatoes, buttered golden corn, at least 2 different types of savory turkey amongst multiple different side dishes. There was the 3-5 different kinds of jello and jello salads, the sweet potatoes with golden brown marshmallows on top, grandmas fresh out of the oven fluffy rolls with tons of butter, stuffing made from scratch and of course top it off with the gravy.
A few hours after dinner and stuffing ourselves so full you almost have to roll us around the house like the oopa loompa's rolled Violet out of the chocolate factory, is when the pies and desserts would show face. Of course it didn't matter that huge meal we just consumed still hadn't had time to even think about digesting. BRING ON THE PIE!!! My favorite was always my Aunt's chocolate chip pecan pie with a mountain of whipped cream on top.
Thanksgiving this year was a bit different. This was my first Thanksgiving after having had WLS. I was so anxious about how this was going to go down! How was I going to get through a Thanksgiving only being able to eat a cup of food and having all this yummy goodness around me.
We had two different kinds of mashed potatoes, Sweet potato casserole, cream corn, home made stuffing, broccoli salad, rolls, cranberry sauce, gravy and of course the turkey. Everything looked and smelled divine! I wanted it ALL. I had to remember though that I have come SO far and I also don't like how much pain I am in when I over eat, or how sick I get.
I am happy to report I did it! I survived Thanksgiving this year! I took a few bites of the side dishes that I wanted to and ate a good portion of turkey for protein purposes. I didn't over eat. I didn't get sick and most importantly I enjoyed myself. I was able to take a day that we tend to focus around food and instead focus on the people that I was sharing it with. I was also proud of myself because I played in the turkey bowl. I was able to RUN! I ran up and down the field and I didn't die! It felt good.
As this Thanksgiving season has come and gone, I have an abundance to be thankful for but, I will take the time here to express how grateful I am that I have become a healthier girl. I am grateful for modern medicine and the tools that we have to help ourselves if we choose to take advantage. I am grateful that I have been given a second chance to become who my Father in Heaven intended me to be.
So here we go, another stumbling block overcome along this beautiful journey...
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
The Hunger Monster
I had read and heard that this day would come, I never thought I would be immune to it. I hoped that by some miracle he would never rear his ugly head in my face again but, alas the Hunger Monster has returned.
Since the day of surgery I have struggled with what is called "head hunger". This is when your body is not physically telling you you are hungry you just think you are hungry. Maybe because you are bored, emotional or just think you should be eating. I did not however, truly feel hungry. In my research I found that this is because when WLS is performed many of the nerves that alert your brain to that fact that you need eat are cut. Therefore it takes them awhile to grow back and start working.
Well, guess what? They're Baaack! And even though I now have a tiny pouch instead of my full sized stomach all the Hunger Monster did was go on vacation, he didn't shrink. Then when you combine the Hunger Monster with the head hunger this does not an easy journey make.
I knew that this would not be easy, I only knew it would be worth it!
Continuing on this journey....
Since the day of surgery I have struggled with what is called "head hunger". This is when your body is not physically telling you you are hungry you just think you are hungry. Maybe because you are bored, emotional or just think you should be eating. I did not however, truly feel hungry. In my research I found that this is because when WLS is performed many of the nerves that alert your brain to that fact that you need eat are cut. Therefore it takes them awhile to grow back and start working.
Well, guess what? They're Baaack! And even though I now have a tiny pouch instead of my full sized stomach all the Hunger Monster did was go on vacation, he didn't shrink. Then when you combine the Hunger Monster with the head hunger this does not an easy journey make.
I knew that this would not be easy, I only knew it would be worth it!
Continuing on this journey....
Don't Worry, Be Happy!
A few weeks ago I offered a friend at work some candy. In response she tilted her head and with a pained look on her face she said, "no thanks, I'm trying to eat healthy."
This got me thinking. Why is it that when we make a good decision, such as eating healthy, we look so sad when we talk about it. I mean seriously, how often do we hear the following statements accompanied by the pained look head tilt, an eye roll, a frown or a defeated demeanor?
"Ugh, I'm on a diet."
"I'm trying to be good."
"I'm eating healthy these days."
No matter how you phrase it they are all mean the same thing. I am unhappy with how my life is now and I am trying to make some positive changes."
Don't get me wrong, I am including myself in this. Even now, after disposing of all the weight I have I still put a negative connotation on it at times.
I have decided to challenge myself and others to be more aware of this. When you choose to make a lifestyle change such as eating better or throwing more activity into your life put a positive spin on it when you talk about it or even when you think about it. Be happy for yourself that you are taking the steps needed to become the best YOU that you can be. Be excited that you are making changes to become healthy and live a longer life. Rejoice in the fact that you are making it so you are not as limited in the life that you live now and the life you have yet to live.
Most importantly, remember, ALL THINGS IN MODERATION!!! Don't deprive yourself! Have a piece of Halloween candy...just don't eat the whole bag! ;)
Let's continue this journey....
This got me thinking. Why is it that when we make a good decision, such as eating healthy, we look so sad when we talk about it. I mean seriously, how often do we hear the following statements accompanied by the pained look head tilt, an eye roll, a frown or a defeated demeanor?
"Ugh, I'm on a diet."
"I'm trying to be good."
"I'm eating healthy these days."
No matter how you phrase it they are all mean the same thing. I am unhappy with how my life is now and I am trying to make some positive changes."
Don't get me wrong, I am including myself in this. Even now, after disposing of all the weight I have I still put a negative connotation on it at times.
I have decided to challenge myself and others to be more aware of this. When you choose to make a lifestyle change such as eating better or throwing more activity into your life put a positive spin on it when you talk about it or even when you think about it. Be happy for yourself that you are taking the steps needed to become the best YOU that you can be. Be excited that you are making changes to become healthy and live a longer life. Rejoice in the fact that you are making it so you are not as limited in the life that you live now and the life you have yet to live.
Most importantly, remember, ALL THINGS IN MODERATION!!! Don't deprive yourself! Have a piece of Halloween candy...just don't eat the whole bag! ;)
Let's continue this journey....
Monday, October 15, 2012
ONE HUNDRED!!!
When I first announced on facebook that I was going to have WLS a friend of mine (who I actually had no clue that had had the same surgery) reached out to me to offer support and let me know that if I had any questions that I should feel free to ask. This friend also told me that she has lost 100 lbs in six months. My first reaction was "whoa, I could only hope that happens for me". Going into this journey I knew that I would dispose of weight fast, but thought it would take at least a year to get rid of 100 lbs. I also thought that after disposing of 100 lbs I would down quite a few sizes.
Reality is that here I am six months out from surgery and I did it...I disposed of 100 lbs!!
Reality also is that I am also only down four sizes. Don't get me wrong four sizes is amazing and I am very excited that I am down those sizes, it just goes to prove that what we have in our minds is a lot different than reality!
I know that I am only six months out and I know that I have a long way to go on this road I am traveling, however as I hit 100 and I hit my six month mark I have done a lot of thinking about where I am and what it has taken to get me here. In some ways this journey has been easier than I ever thought it would be and in other ways it has been harder. I was asked today if it was hard to get rid of the weight. My answer was "yes , but not in the ways that you would think" I have always been fairly active for a fat girl so to workout regularly wasn't hard. It has been hard to learn portion control. It has been hard to learn how to eat to survive instead of just because I enjoy it. It has been hard to learn the difference between true hunger and head hunger. It has been hard to accept that my body is changing faster than my mind. Compliments have been hard to accept.
From this point on the weight will not come off as fast and I am trying to wrap my head around this. I still have about 60 lbs until I hit my goal and I am a little anxious about the road I will have to travel to get there. I know that I can and WILL get there.
I am proud of myself and I am happy with how far I have come in such a short amount of time. I can not express enough how grateful I am to my amazing family and friends who have given me so much love support!I never could have gotten this far without any of you.
Let's see where this journey will take us next!
Reality is that here I am six months out from surgery and I did it...I disposed of 100 lbs!!
Reality also is that I am also only down four sizes. Don't get me wrong four sizes is amazing and I am very excited that I am down those sizes, it just goes to prove that what we have in our minds is a lot different than reality!
I know that I am only six months out and I know that I have a long way to go on this road I am traveling, however as I hit 100 and I hit my six month mark I have done a lot of thinking about where I am and what it has taken to get me here. In some ways this journey has been easier than I ever thought it would be and in other ways it has been harder. I was asked today if it was hard to get rid of the weight. My answer was "yes , but not in the ways that you would think" I have always been fairly active for a fat girl so to workout regularly wasn't hard. It has been hard to learn portion control. It has been hard to learn how to eat to survive instead of just because I enjoy it. It has been hard to learn the difference between true hunger and head hunger. It has been hard to accept that my body is changing faster than my mind. Compliments have been hard to accept.
From this point on the weight will not come off as fast and I am trying to wrap my head around this. I still have about 60 lbs until I hit my goal and I am a little anxious about the road I will have to travel to get there. I know that I can and WILL get there.
I am proud of myself and I am happy with how far I have come in such a short amount of time. I can not express enough how grateful I am to my amazing family and friends who have given me so much love support!I never could have gotten this far without any of you.
Let's see where this journey will take us next!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Gurglings
Haha I'm really not sure that I am spelling this right. Anyway. So, you how when you are SUPER hungry and your belly talks to you? It kinda gurgles and makes these loud noises? Of course along with it comes the awful feeling of being so hungry that the reason your belly is making those noises leads you to believe that it just might eat it's self.
Well...mine does it ALL the time these days. The only difference is that the hunger feeling doesn't come along with it and it is typically after I eat when it starts gurgling the most. I'm not totally sure why it does this but I suspect it is because the part of my stomach that is not attached to my pouch that actually holds the food, is still creating all the acids so that when the food gets into the intestines the acid will be there to meet up and break down the food. Now, I don't know this to be fact...that is just WLS according to Liz.
This is what I DO know...It's LOUD. I thought I was alone in this until I was sitting in my support group meeting last week and the woman next to me had her daughter sitting on her lap and her belly started to gurgle and her daughter jumped up real quick and looked at her mom and said "Tell it to shut up". We all started laughing and started discussing how our bellies talk to us.
Just another step along the path...may the journey continue....
Well...mine does it ALL the time these days. The only difference is that the hunger feeling doesn't come along with it and it is typically after I eat when it starts gurgling the most. I'm not totally sure why it does this but I suspect it is because the part of my stomach that is not attached to my pouch that actually holds the food, is still creating all the acids so that when the food gets into the intestines the acid will be there to meet up and break down the food. Now, I don't know this to be fact...that is just WLS according to Liz.
This is what I DO know...It's LOUD. I thought I was alone in this until I was sitting in my support group meeting last week and the woman next to me had her daughter sitting on her lap and her belly started to gurgle and her daughter jumped up real quick and looked at her mom and said "Tell it to shut up". We all started laughing and started discussing how our bellies talk to us.
Just another step along the path...may the journey continue....
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